72 responses so far ↓

• 1 Kowl Slaw // Nov 13, 2008 at 1:17 pm

  You can’t throw in the towel! IT’S A HITCHHIKERS MOST IMPORTANT TOOL!

• 2 Robert64 // Nov 13, 2008 at 1:19 pm

  The Mezzer sends confusing vibrations, and in some rare cases these are known to cause severe clotting in blood vessels in the brain, causing a build up of pressure and…

• 3 ImperialCreed // Nov 13, 2008 at 1:20 pm

  So, in summation, after all the reprehensible, despicable acts you’ve committed as you profiteered your way across the wastes, all it took to dissuade you from your wicked ways was an exploding head?

  You sir, have gone down in my estimation.

• 4 Unannoyed cheapskate // Nov 13, 2008 at 1:23 pm

  The mezzer guide did mention briefly head explosions and other nasty side effects, if I remember correctly.

• 5 Caleb // Nov 13, 2008 at 1:29 pm

  From the Fallout wiki: “Occasionally, the victim will run several steps before their head explodes.”

  http://fallout.wikia.com/wiki/Mesmetron

• 6 Christopher // Nov 13, 2008 at 1:29 pm

  I gotta start reading the fine print.

• 7 Newt Pulsifer // Nov 13, 2008 at 1:30 pm

  rofl at #1 !

  Nice post, Chris!

• 8 AlphaHawk // Nov 13, 2008 at 1:35 pm

  Hahaha. Spontaneous Cranial Explosion.

• 9 spuzman00 // Nov 13, 2008 at 1:36 pm

  Once I walked out of my house in Megaton and a Brotherhood of Steel Paladin kind of “popped” into existence. He wouldn’t say anything when I tried to talk to him, and instead ran out of Megaton and blew himself up when he tried to kill an ant with his rocket launcher. I looted him and didn’t give it another thought.

  Another time I saved a slave, but failed to take off his collar. However, before it exploded, I talked to him again, this time succeeding in removing the collar. Nevertheless, when I turned to assist his companion, I heard a pop and a few pieces of the first slave’s freshly exploded head flew by.

  This game has some serious glitches.

• 10 ZomBuster // Nov 13, 2008 at 1:41 pm

  You silly fool, always read the damn manual!

• 11 yourhero88 // Nov 13, 2008 at 1:44 pm

  Yeah, think of the Mezzer as a Goblin spell in Warhammer. There is a small chance it might work, a greater chance it will backfire, and an even greater chance that it will cause a head to explode. Best to save before u try, so you can reload until you get a success.

• 12 ScotlandTom // Nov 13, 2008 at 2:53 pm

  One - read the friggin’ manual! It’s almost always worth at least a skim through just to keep the surprises to a minimum.

  Two - the mark of a truly ruthless entrepreneur is to find the most deviously lucrative scheme and exploit the crap out of it. This whole slave business, though entertaining from an observer’s point of view, may not be the most effective way for a well-armed and cold-hearted businessman to make a living.

• 13 Mat // Nov 13, 2008 at 3:10 pm

  Interestingly, I have ran into a whole factory where ghouls and super mutants heads asplode after their death. I was wondering why I was getting so many critical headshots until I heard the mine-like beep before their head blew up. Kept looking for mines until I realized it was coming from their head. Got a nice lab coat out of it in the end though.

• 14 Wowbagger2004 // Nov 13, 2008 at 3:16 pm

  This is getting dangerously close to the Fallout 3 Nondrick-esque blog you said you’d never do, Chris :P

• 15 gork // Nov 13, 2008 at 3:28 pm

  These are boring,please stop writing these. More gaming news.

• 16 AlphaHawk // Nov 13, 2008 at 3:39 pm

  Maybe you should read other parts of the manual just to make sure that killing DJ’s end up making you lose the game at the very end :P I get the feeling that would be in there for some reason.

• 17 Jazmeister // Nov 13, 2008 at 3:48 pm

  I like these little tastes of F3. I fully intend to buy it, but after xmas. Too many years now have I bought myself something, only to open the exact same thing from someone else on xmas day.

  Nondrone should only be attempted once everyone and their mother has played F3 to death. It’s the only thing that makes the Dark-Brotherhood-Sanctuary jokes entertaining. If only you could make Nondrick into an epic machinima, where another character completes the main questline in a sort of faked co-op mode? If? Only?

• 18 n00bie51 // Nov 13, 2008 at 3:50 pm

  Interestingly written, Christopher. Keep it up.

• 19 Anon // Nov 13, 2008 at 4:31 pm

  These are awesome, keep writing these. Less gaming news.

• 20 Remnant // Nov 13, 2008 at 4:47 pm

  I reckon it’s cool that, about 10 hours in, we’ve played two completely different games. I’ve been looting, raiding and scavenging pretty much everything I can find, making me immensely wealthy and loaded with gear.

  You’re playing a slaver. Heh. I think the variety is far better than Oblivion.

• 21 Gryphon // Nov 13, 2008 at 5:01 pm

  #15:
  If you dislike these stories, than why are you here?

• 22 Headwoünd // Nov 13, 2008 at 5:03 pm

  I think there couldn’t be someone like Nondrick living in Fallout.
  Surviving in this world takes someone fierce and if necessary adventurous. How else are there people/NPCs ending up in a somewhat safe haven than fighting or sneaking or trading (mercs) their way through it? And Nondrick would never have left Vault 101.

  Besides there are no roads for him to travel between settlements, only ghoul-infested subways and ruins occupied by super mutants.

  Basically Chris is playing a character who maybe would’ve found a half death Nondrone starving and dehydrated in an earth hole, happily putting a collar on him and tossing some of the dirtiest water he has with him at the poor fellow, so that he at least can reach Paradise Lost. ^^
  I have yet found no way to become a slave (but I pretend to be the new Sheriff of Megaton - wasn’t me who killed the old one!).
  Would be the only way for Nondrone to avoid adventure like Nondrick tries (even though he sometimes fails), except for sitting in Moriarty’s Saloon all day next to Lucy West (srsly, get a life, Lucy).

  Gawd I’m bored… :>

• 23 Phil // Nov 13, 2008 at 5:12 pm

  Welcome to 1Fallout :)

• 24 Alexander // Nov 13, 2008 at 5:14 pm

  I take it you have, or are going to take, the contract killer perk. From the Fallout Wiki:
  “Once you have the Contract Killer perk, any good character you kill will have an ear on their corpse. This ear can then be sold to a certain person (whose identity is disclosed when you take the perk) for caps and negative Karma. ”

  Probably useful for your situation

• 25 Snooglebum // Nov 13, 2008 at 5:39 pm

  @24

  I’m assuming the ears weigh nothing. The image of carrying so many severed ears that you’re too encumbered to move is a funny one.

• 26 chris12 // Nov 13, 2008 at 5:53 pm

  sir chris… i believe you must change ways, and be the good guy now. make good stuff in the game. who knows, you may end up with more sucess, and hey, even in worse plan, you might end up doing more damage than this ‘’slave” course you do. hehe

• 27 Fishermang // Nov 13, 2008 at 5:59 pm

  Haha! Guess what I saw today. A flying giant rad scorpion. Not flying on his own will, but suddenly I saw him breaking through the skies and landing FAR FAR away, as if someone REALLY strong had tossed him. It was circling around itself too. What the hell?

  Funny it was though :D

• 28 n00bie51 // Nov 13, 2008 at 7:43 pm

  Gryphon (#21), people DO come to this site to find out news about games.

  At the same time, this IS a blog and Christopher may do with it what he pleases, and if he wants to share his morbidly entertaining ventures of cannibalism and sin, then I won’t complain.

• 29 Jordan // Nov 13, 2008 at 9:32 pm

  @21, he mistakenly thinks somebody cares what he thinks.

• 30 Jimborb // Nov 14, 2008 at 5:15 am

  Ah, really starting to like these, better than a “livin in fallout 3″ blog as it’s not done in a sort of first person monologue.

  Alas, i’m on a personal quest to wip out every single killable NPC in the game, already taken out Megaton, Tenpenny tower, underworld and the GNR radio building (ala chris’ killing of three dog, but the Brotherhood of Steel took an exception to my actions in my case).

  the Citadel’s gonna be a pain in the arse…

• 31 Gman // Nov 14, 2008 at 5:38 am

  L4D can now be pre-loaded!

• 32 Crowbar // Nov 14, 2008 at 5:43 am

  I found that you have to be careful where you get your slaves from. Any of the places near Paradise Falls should be alright. However, if you tag someone from the other side of the map, you’ve got to understand that there’s a very low chance they’ll get to their destination.

  I spent a good half hour trying to enslave a Raider in the far east only to realize that the most direct route to Falls went through the Deathclaw-infested Old Olney.

• 33 Gman // Nov 14, 2008 at 5:48 am

  Also: http://www.g4tv.com/trailers/hdvideos/34879/Left_4_Dead_Mission_2_DirectFeed_Gameplay_Footage_X360.html

• 34 rg // Nov 14, 2008 at 8:13 am

  click the name.
  i lol’d

• 35 Am i first? // Nov 14, 2008 at 9:41 am

  Write about l4d? :C

• 36 Killa-Ewok // Nov 14, 2008 at 10:19 am

  THERE IS NO SPORK

• 37 Kollega // Nov 14, 2008 at 10:40 am

  Agreed.There is no spoon,there is no fork,there is no spork,there is no knives.Basically,THERE IS NO TABLEWARE.

• 38 Chijts // Nov 14, 2008 at 12:39 pm

  I like how you spent two paragraphs on trying to describe the look on your face. Pure class Chris.

• 39 Smurfy // Nov 14, 2008 at 4:33 pm

  When I found Paradise Falls and they wouldn’t let me in, I didn’t know you could become a slaver and have kickass adventures, so I stormed the place with an Assault Rifle, killed all the slavers and freed everyone.

  Now I can’t become a slaver :’(

• 40 Generic Username // Nov 14, 2008 at 8:19 pm

  @30

  I tried doing that in Fallout 1 and got my save fucked over because of the damn water chip test. :(

  Still, it was loads of fun leaving Shady Sands governed by hyperactive kids.

• 41 Crowbar // Nov 15, 2008 at 3:05 am

  @Generic: Like every responsible adult should.

  @Smurfy: Yes, that is one of the major facets of killing all the Slavers. They will not want you to become one.

• 42 Kowl Slaw // Nov 15, 2008 at 6:00 am

  Oh, I feel I should point out the new L4D Wallpapers: http://www.l4d.com/

• 43 Pawndemonium // Nov 15, 2008 at 8:59 am

  FIRST…

  …to note that TF2 needs some propaganda to make people ignore L4D =P

• 44 Killa-Ewok // Nov 15, 2008 at 10:02 am

  Does anyone notice how there’s no more a mini-twitter at the upper right side of the page?

• 45 Kollega // Nov 15, 2008 at 10:53 am

  1fort news ticker(twitter window) is there.Maybe your browser glitches or something.

• 46 Killa-Ewok // Nov 15, 2008 at 2:25 pm

  Seriously what the hell, why can’t I see it?
  Firefox never bugs out like this.

• 47 ZomBuster // Nov 15, 2008 at 2:29 pm

  Chris, You can now use L4D models in gmod! Just look on garry.tv for a guide made by yours truly.

  Maybe a few L4D shorts to make use forget about that tragedy called 1fort?

• 48 Kowl Slaw // Nov 15, 2008 at 3:36 pm

  OHMYGOD

• 49 Wormatsu // Nov 15, 2008 at 4:53 pm

  Just give them a mininuke right in the face next time.

  Quaranteed karma loss.

• 50 Kowl Slaw // Nov 15, 2008 at 5:06 pm

  Oh moar news: boomercharged.net is up! It’s like ubercharged but more L4D-y.

  http://boomercharged.net/

• 51 MadTinkerer // Nov 15, 2008 at 8:21 pm

  Random thought:

  LeftFrohDead: The Resurrection of Gordon Frohman would make a neat webcomic. You should grab the “left5dead.com” domain ASAP.

  You could start in Aperture Science Labs pre-Portal. GLaDOS creates a copy of Frohman from brain patterns and DNA “borrowed” from Frohman in Black Mesa. (In the game, GLaDOS says she can do this, though she could be lying, so it’s semi-canon.) Hilarity ensues (”Frohman, what are we going to do with 100,000 turrets?” “You idiot! You broke the Sanity Core!”), and eventually Gordon escapes via an accident with the Portal Gun.

  Since he’s a copy and we’re going backwards in-continuity, you could then use the copy-Frohman in Ep1 and 2 (Maybe it’s Frohman’s bottle that Freeman breaks in Ep2), TF2 (since you don’t want to do 1Fort as it’s own series, you could resurrect the ideas you had as a mini-series like with the CS strips in Concerned) or, as I suggested before, Left4Dead. I’m sure the other survivors would “love” to have Frohman along.

  Anyway, that’s what I would do.

• 52 Gothic // Nov 15, 2008 at 8:45 pm

  Maybe Frohman could just continuously hit on Zoey.

• 53 Kollega // Nov 15, 2008 at 10:09 pm

  @1: O RLY?
  @51: Frohman as well could drift to an NPC heaven or something,and then respawn in different Valve games. TF2 has no NPC’s,but there’s always Soldier(shovel makes him frohman-ish),Pyro,or announcer lady :D Frohman can also totally screw up Survivors or Infected plans.

  P.S.Team Fortress 2 cereal boxes was discovered in L4D.And there’s a text on a box telling us to “collect all 10!”.What could that mean?

• 54 Gothic // Nov 16, 2008 at 12:22 am

  @53: Holy crap.

• 55 Justice // Nov 16, 2008 at 2:42 am

  If we refer to their film that VALVe stated will be “our magnum opus”, “over four hours long” and “make Citizen Kane look like something dumb a complete idiot would make” I believe they are messing with our heads.

  In a charming, zombie apocolyptic kind of a way.

• 56 Redroche // Nov 16, 2008 at 4:40 am

  You’s know dat scene in Yung Frankenstein, where Liva’ Lips Boyle (as de monster) be in de shack wid Gene Hackman, who be playin’ de real kind (yet real blind) man? And nodin’ be wo’kin’ out fo’ de monster? He tries t’get some soup and it digs poured in his lap, scaldin’ hot. Man! His mug uh wine be smashed by an overendusiastic toast. Man! Tryin’ t’light his cigar, Hackman sets de poo’ brute’s dumb on fire.

  At one point, ‘esaspuh’ted, Boyle looks directly into camera, wid some radical “Can ya’ recon’ dis shit?” snatch. Dat’s basically been de look on mah’ face da damn past several times I’ve attempted t’enslave some denizens uh Fallout 3’s Wuztelands.

  Twice now, I’ve mosey on down upon Supuh’ Mutants who gots had slaves uh deir own, terrified, helpless humans who are bound at da damn wrists. ah’ figured, hey, I’ll help out,waste de muties, and free deir slaves so’s I kin make dem mah’ own slaves. Fine, right? Dat way, dey don’t gots’ta learn any new skills.

  But afta’ freein’ de slaves, dey run off, and even when I’ve mezzed dem, dey’ve continued fleein’. Mezzin’ dem befo’e freein’ dem duzn’t wo’k eider. Ah be baaad… Plus, ah’ get some boost in karma when dey’re freed, which annoys me. I’ve wo’ked long and hard t’be an soulless slave trader, and ah’ hate seein’ dat wo’k chipped away at cuz’ de game won’t let me be as baaaad as ah’ wanna be.

  Even trackin’ waaay down specific sucka’s I’ve been tax’ed wid enslavin’ isn’t wo’kin’ out. Man! ah’ wuz given some dojigger and some town on de offical slave quest, and stalked off t’ensnare mah’ prey. Slap mah fro! Along fo’ de ride wuz mah’ own sucka’al slave, some honky chick dojiggerd Clover, fo’ma’ slave and bodyguard t’de haid uh de slava’ o’ganizashun, who sold ha’ to me. She’s fine waaay coo’ — wastedly in some fight and always eyebally wid some suggestive comment. Man!

  I left ha’ outside da damn town, not sho’ man if she had some handle on our mission, dig dis: ah’ wuzn’t here t’kill some sucka o’ gots sex wid dem, ah’ wuz here t’brin’ dem in alive. ah’ apparently wuzn’t careful enough sneakin’ drough de town, as de dude spotted me and jimmey’d fire. ah’ circled some buildin’, hopin’ t’sneak down behind him, but he wuz gone. ah’ continued searchin’, pickin’ locks and enterin’ every buildin’ ah’ came to, but still no sign uh him. WORD! Eventually, ah’ returned t’Clover, who wuz standin’ upside a haidless co’pse — de dude ah’ wuz after. Ah be baaad… Apparently, he’d spotted ha’ and she popped his haid clean off. Damn. ‘S coo’, bro.

  I sent Clova’ packin’ afta’ dat. Man! You’s plum can’t trust some slave t’be some baaaad slaver, ah’ guess. De wuztes is easia’ to travel wid some companion, but alone, at least ah’ won’t gots any potential targets windin’ down wid no haids, right?

  At one point while ‘esplo’in’ alone, ah’ wuz lucky enough t’have some candun didate run right down t’me. A terrified Wuztelander, he dashed upside and jabbered sump’n about his town bein’ destroyed. ah’ listened politley until he wuz finished, den mezzed him. WORD! Instead uh bein’ hypnotized, he scampuh’ed directly away fum me. Den his haid ‘esploded.

  Whut. WHAT? Whut de hell. ah’ walked around, lookin’ fo’ distant snipuh’s o’ nearby monsters. Nodin’ around. It wuzn’t his slave collar ‘esplodin’: ah’ hadn’t even had some chance t’put it on him. WORD! His haid just… ‘esploded. Fo’ no discernible reason. ‘S coo’, bro. ah’ dink I’ve figured out da damn mezzer, now, and dat it duzn’t wo’k on an NPC tagged as “fleein’” by de game (likes de freed slaves o’ terrified Wuztelanders). But still, ah’ can’t imagine why dis dude’s haid popped da damn way it dun did.

  I’m dinkin’ ah’ may gots’ta drow in de towel on dis slave business and look fo’ sump’n some bit mo’e lucrative and predictable. ah’ have no problem wid sucka’s’s haids ‘esplodin’ when dat’s mah’ sucka’al goal fo’ dem, but I’m tired uh deir haids ‘esplodin’ when I’m still tryin’ t’get some collar around deir necks.

  EDIT: As several commenters gots already pointed out, some side-effect uh de mezza’ can be da damn target’s haid ‘esplodin’. A typical dude, ah’ neva’ stop t’read da damn manual when ah’ get new powa’ tools.

• 57 Killa-Ewok // Nov 16, 2008 at 5:07 am

  @Redroche

  Who let the dawgs out?

• 58 Kowl Slaw // Nov 16, 2008 at 5:11 am

  @53: YA RLY!

• 59 Kollega // Nov 16, 2008 at 6:04 am

  @57: Seconded.
  @58: Is this supposed to mean “yeah,really”?
  @all: What do you guys think of TF2″Collect all 10″cereal box discovered in L4D?

• 60 Killa-Ewok // Nov 16, 2008 at 7:13 am

  @59

  I think it means that they’re going to release a tenth class to the game.

• 61 Kollega // Nov 16, 2008 at 8:08 am

  My name is a prooflink. Well… this could mean VIP escort actually made it back in the game.Or 10th action figure is actually a Sentry Gun.Or the Announcer.Or Sandvich.

• 62 Killa-Ewok // Nov 16, 2008 at 8:30 am

  @61

  The weird fact is that I haven’t even read that thing.

• 63 Robert64 // Nov 16, 2008 at 8:37 am

  Here’s an experiment: Go to the safe room at the end of the second map in the L4D demo, then no-clip through the end door. Now follow the halls and you can actually play through the whole of map 3, up until the next safe room!? Why bother having the whole of the next map there?

• 64 Killa-Ewok // Nov 16, 2008 at 8:43 am

  @63

  Because the demo is actually the full version.

  And also this guys:
  http://boomercharged.net/2008/11/16/youve-got-to-be-kidding-me/#comments

• 65 Kowl Slaw // Nov 16, 2008 at 9:00 am

  Hmmm….this “Collect all 10″ thing is really interesting. Maybe VIP?

• 66 Zacmanman // Nov 16, 2008 at 11:34 am

  Hey Chris, check this out: http://www.joystiq.com/2008/11/15/rumor-valve-hinting-at-10th-team-fortress-2-class-in-left-4-dea/

• 67 Kowl Slaw // Nov 16, 2008 at 12:06 pm

  Well, I think that it CAN’T be the sandvich, because thats an item. Are they going to include the spy’s cloak as its own separate thing? No. Then why would they do the sandvich? (It’s also like saying they will make each weapon its own separate figure, as big as the person that uses it.)

• 68 dudekazoo // Nov 16, 2008 at 1:56 pm

  @63

  The Second Chapter of No Mercy doesn’t actually end at that “Safe Room”. The rest of what you can no clip to is simply the rest of the second chapter. You can see the actual safe room in the *spoiler alert* pawn shop.

• 69 SMATR GYU // Nov 16, 2008 at 3:11 pm

  HOW DO YOUR PUT A GUN IN A GUY”S HAND?

• 70 ItGoesSplat // Nov 16, 2008 at 7:42 pm

  @69

  the real question is how to put a guy in a gun’s hand

  Also, Chris, you inspired me to turn from my life of good and to become a slaver. I ended up doing the bad thing at the end of the game.

  damn you.

• 71 FrohmanForPrez // Nov 16, 2008 at 8:09 pm

  PUTTIN’ ON THE RIIIIIIIIIIIITZ!…

  (that’s for all you Young Frankenstein fans…)

• 72 Jazmeister // Nov 17, 2008 at 10:00 am

  What is Chris doing? THINGS?

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