I’ve been playing S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Clear Sky the past few nights. Haven’t quite finished, but I’ve played enough, I think, to give the game a comprehensive review.
Clear Sky is a prequel to 2007’s bleak, atmospheric RPG-ish shooter. You play as another mysterious Stalker, one of a number of shadowy mercenaries who wander the irradiated wastelands around the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant in search of artifacts, strange curios that enhance or damage (usually both) the attributes of the bearer. Various factions wage war in the zone, and it’s up to you to decide who to ally with and who to fight.
The game begins, as many do, with a menu screen. Presented with a number of options, such as “New Game” and “Options”, I tried to put myself in the head of a Stalker. Roleplay a bit. What would a mysterious Russian merc do? I decided he’d want to play in a 1600 x 900 resolution with graphic settings on “high”. The better he can see, the better chance he’d have… to survive.
Settings thus cranked, I selected “New Game.” No old games for this Stalker. No multiplayer, either. This stalker… stalks alone.
The game begins loading its various textures and assets. The client beings synchronizing, as indicated by the words “Client synchronizing”. The client continues to synchronize. The synchronization of the client continues. Suddenly, nothing happens. The client resumes synchronizing. It seems unending, this client and its attempt to synchronize. Perhaps a subtle inference by the game developers about how the hazards of nuclear energy are dark and everlasting? Very clever.
About ten minutes have passed and the client has still not synchronized. The screen remains dark. The message is clear. The future contains nothing but blackness and silence and clients that cannot, will not, synchronize. I go take a thoughtful dump. This game has given me a lot to think about. When I return, nothing has changed. Does anything ever? This game is fucking deep. My mind swirling with the complexities of the message the game has delivered, I shut my computer off, reboot, and play Spore for a bit.
The next night, I get back into the game right where I left off, the black, bleak, endless loading screen. The client is synchronizing again, and again, it’s never completing the synchronization. History repeats itself, the game is telling me. I reboot, impressed at the dedication of the developers, the boldness, to present me with a game that contains no gameplay. It’s fucking ballsy. I’m so drained by the experience I go fall asleep on the couch watcing Burn Notice.
The next night, I remember this is a non-linear game, so I decide to take a new path. On the menu screen, I select options, set the resolution to 800×600, and turn all settings down to “minimum”. Amazing, the freedom this game gives you to make your own choices. Revolutionary.
I select “New Game” with my new settings. The game loads, I watch a movie, then, as my character, I wake up in a shack. I’ve completed my first mission: entering the game. There does not appear to be an achievement, however, for this feat. Well, I feel I’ve accomplished something, anyway.
Now that I’m in-game, looking at chunky, Doom-style graphics, I decide to throw a curveball of my own. I go into the options screen to crank my settings and resolution back up. Didn’t think I’d try that, did you, game? I’m thinking outside the box.
My victory is short-lived. The developers saw this move coming a mile away. I’m informed my settings won’t take effect until I restart the game. Brilliant. A brilliant move. Most games let you change your settings while you play — change the resolution, adjust the graphics or sound — not Clear Sky. They challenge you at every turn.
I change the settings and prepare to exit the game as instructed. Another surprise awaits me, however — as I change the resolution, the screen goes black. It’s a shock, a jolt: they just told me the settings wouldn’t change until I restarted, but it appears the game has attempted to change the settings right then and there, and completely failed! A fucking plot twist, this early in the game? Amazing. They really pulled out the stops for this one. Impressed, astounded, I stare at the black screen for eleven minutes, then admiringly reach for the power button to reboot.
Sorry for the spoilers — this type of gameplay should be left to the player to enjoy without having it ruined for them in advance. In fact, I won’t say much more, other than that I found this game so engaging and appealing that I replayed that same mission over at least three times over the next few nights. Enter the game with low settings, adjust the settings — even a little — and wind up presented with a black screen every single time. Try to enter the game with anything but minimal settings, and the client never synchronizes. It’s a cycle, see, mirroring mankind’s own cycle of life, destruction, and death. We’re born. We wake up in a shack with shitty graphics. We die.
As I uninstall the game completely from my computer, I know my $35 have been well-spent. I’ve got a lot to think about. Most games work. Clear Sky doesn’t work… but it doesn’t work on so many levels.
103 responses so far ↓
1 Fleeka // Sep 24, 2008 at 8:35 am
Wow, that sucks.
Hopefully they’ll get a patch out soon for you.
2 Josh // Sep 24, 2008 at 8:37 am
Well, that wins the “best review ever” award for the week.
3 Daggerdino // Sep 24, 2008 at 8:37 am
Do you do childrens birthdays? (read: That was really humorous to read. I enjoyed it very much.)
4 Tim // Sep 24, 2008 at 8:58 am
Awesome man. Loved every soul crushing paragraph! Had me laughing out loud at 2 in the morning. :)
5 Garry Newman // Sep 24, 2008 at 9:03 am
This happened to me a couple of times.
If a game crashes like this, instead of rebooting you can press the windows key and L together to log you off. Then when you log back on you will have your screen back and be able to close the game.
6 Suraj // Sep 24, 2008 at 9:05 am
It’s the Drivers! It is always the Drivers.
7 Jon Baker // Sep 24, 2008 at 9:18 am
Best. Review. Ever.
8 Mike Morwood // Sep 24, 2008 at 9:21 am
You know you can get a refund for Steam games for stuff like this, right? Write a suitably irate email to the help desk and they’ll sort it out for you. I did that with Episode 1 but that was because I hated the game rather than anything else.
I’d advise hanging on to clear sky though. Yes, it’s badly badly broken at the moment but once it’s patched it’ll be briliant….
9 justin // Sep 24, 2008 at 9:27 am
What was the problem with Beyond Good and Evil?
I had synchronization problems with the sound in BG&E, which were fixed by alt-tabbing out of the program, going into the task manager, selecting the BGE.exe process, and seeting it to run on only one processor. After that, it ran dandy.
10 Joerdgs // Sep 24, 2008 at 9:39 am
Hahaha, that was the most amazing review ever. I’ll never understand why you didn’t get that job at Shacknews :P
11 Newt Pulsifer // Sep 24, 2008 at 9:41 am
Wow, that was unexpected :P
12 Ronin08 // Sep 24, 2008 at 9:42 am
I’m so drained by the experience I go fall asleep on the couch watching Burn Notice
Sir, if you fell asleep while watching Burn Notice, there is something WRONG with you.
13 The MAZZTer // Sep 24, 2008 at 9:48 am
You don’t have to reboot every time a game misbehaves. That’s what CTRL+ALT+DEL is for.
The WIN key can work as well, although from there it’s usually more steps to kill a misbehaving process.
14 The MAZZTer // Sep 24, 2008 at 9:49 am
Also Garry, protip: WIN+L doesn’t actually log off anymore. It hasn’t since… NT4. It does the Fast User Switching now, and they call it “Lock Workstation” probably so they didn’t have to move the hotkey.
15 Oliver // Sep 24, 2008 at 9:56 am
It beat today’s Zero Punctuation that’s for sure.
16 phuzz // Sep 24, 2008 at 9:57 am
At least this is a brand new game. I had almost the exact same problem with Bioshock only last month, I’d have expected them to have sorted it by now :(
Anyway, the workaround I used was to run the game in windowed mode, not sure if that’s an option for Clear Sky, but it might be worth a go.
Plus a ritual upgrading of graphics drivers etc. sometimes does the trick.
17 Pentadact // Sep 24, 2008 at 9:59 am
Awesome work.
18 a westie // Sep 24, 2008 at 9:59 am
Don’t buy a console! :( The Wii has really expensive games, and the 360 only lives a few months before breaking. And the PS3 kinda sucks, save for the game Fat Princess, which is bound to come out on other systems or at least be cloned.
19 Wormatsu // Sep 24, 2008 at 10:00 am
“I’m buying a fucking console” in the tags?
:OOOO
20 Trenchfeeder // Sep 24, 2008 at 10:07 am
PLEASE dont buy a console. We PC gamers must do everything in our power to remove that scourge from the earth. CONSOLES ONLY RUIN PC GAMES. TF2=prime example. Especialy since GTA4 is coming to PC now, there is absolutely no need for anyone on this planet to own a console
21 Killa-Ewok // Sep 24, 2008 at 10:18 am
You try to make up the lack of Nondrick with this? You’re dead, pal.
22 [VGN] Chronos[Ha-G] // Sep 24, 2008 at 10:41 am
@ Chris -
Damn, that sucks man. Worst part is, I remember you mentioning that you both loved and hated the old STALKER because of it’s highs and lows. So far, Clear Sky has improved upon most of the problems of the first one - I think you would have liked this one. Still not perfect, though.
Also, to everyone here complaining about consoles - grow a brain. Or grow up. Or both.
23 John Saflo // Sep 24, 2008 at 10:44 am
Someone should be paying you to write this stuff.
24 Headwoünd // Sep 24, 2008 at 11:01 am
and thus you fall into their scheme: making you operate firearms with a FREAKING GAMEPAD!
SRSLY WTF?!?
don’t let them win with their “harhar no compatibility for PC gamers”-attitude :C
25 AAAHHHH // Sep 24, 2008 at 11:05 am
MAYBE IF YUR PC DIDNT SUCK IT WOULD WORK AHHAHAHA
26 Wunderbear // Sep 24, 2008 at 11:30 am
Can I say to all the people saying “OMG DON’T BUY CONSOLE PC RULES CONSOLES SUXXORZ”, please shush yourselves. As a PC gamer, I know that PCs are a fucking hassle at times; and what with the constant price of upgrading, they’re bloody taxing.
Consoles are a fairly fuss-free alternative. Plug in, turn on, tune out and have some fun without hassling with drivers or tweaks or Windows/Linux/MacOS. So, please, don’t be idiots.
Anyway. STALKER is a hassle to get running. But once it does, it’s fun on a plate. Crashing-occasionally fun, but still good.
27 Wunderbear // Sep 24, 2008 at 11:33 am
PS: Also. Trenchfeeder, how did consoles ruin TF2, exactly? Apart from the awful version for console, they’ve had nil effect on the PC version.
And some games just suit consoles. GTA 4 or Gears of War are both games that need to be played sat with a bunch of mates, making daft comments and having a larf.
(I’m planning on getting a PS3, since you asked)
28 PixelBurp // Sep 24, 2008 at 11:38 am
As the saying goes - “it’s not a bug, it’s a feature”.
You’d think after releasing possibly THE buggiest game of the last few years, the development team would have made “as bug free as possible” the highest priority for the sequel. Noooo, they go chasing the Directx10 faeries. Yeesh.
29 Kowl Slaw // Sep 24, 2008 at 11:57 am
I think I just might have to buy that game, and experience the pure awesome first hand.
30 Tolkienfanatic // Sep 24, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Get a better rig. Runs like a charm for me.
31 Kazill // Sep 24, 2008 at 12:17 pm
That was the best review I’ve ever read. Way to go.
Also to those saying consoles suck, please see #26.
32 FinalFrog // Sep 24, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Been working great for me at maximum settings with no AA. So well in fact, that I tried running it on my Vista partition to get a look at the extra DX10 effects. Turns out that somehow Vista decided I wanted to watch a slideshow instead of a game and would not let go of that notion regardless of what settings I changed. Now I remember why I don’t game on my Vista partition, much less do anything else.
33 Alexander // Sep 24, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Games shouldn’t be called bad if they don’t work on your system, that’s just your system
34 Grey Ganado // Sep 24, 2008 at 12:35 pm
When I bought it they already had patch 1.5.
But maybe steam is just much too slow.
35 Gil // Sep 24, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Sorry to hear about your experience, stalker clear sky works fine on my XP - although medium settings graphics are not bad at all.
The game play itself is what disappointed me, stupid AI, stupid GUI.
gil
36 Whoa // Sep 24, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Hey to everyone that hates consoles so much(although Im not suprised its a TF blog)Coming from somone who is both a pc and a console gamer let me tell you consoles honestly aren’t that bad. When it comes to controls it depends on your prefrence. I enjoy using gamepad but I also enjoy using keyboard and mouse. It just depends on what you get used to
37 justin // Sep 24, 2008 at 1:00 pm
http://forums.steampowered.com/forums/showthread.php?t=729107
A possible startup crash fix.
38 Bobic // Sep 24, 2008 at 1:06 pm
@2 Agreed
39 Lack_26 // Sep 24, 2008 at 1:46 pm
@PixelBurp (post 28)
You never played Boiling point did you, but damn those bugs were funny, had me and my bro in hysterics.
40 rammingspeed42 // Sep 24, 2008 at 1:46 pm
This is exactly what Gabe Newell had in mind….
41 RC-1290'Dreadnought' // Sep 24, 2008 at 2:00 pm
I was knew that a brilliant review would follow after the sentence “The game begins, as many do, with a menu screen.”
42 Mr. Brit // Sep 24, 2008 at 2:03 pm
PS3 4 teh win!!!!!!!!1
The real PCgamer said ‘eh’ about this so I wouldn’t bother unless invested in the original.
43 Still Not Chris // Sep 24, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Brilliant review. Also, 26 is a good person.
44 Rovlad // Sep 24, 2008 at 2:08 pm
There is a patch for this game already, have you tried it? You can find it on stalker-game.com or something.
PS. Consoles are for retards.
45 Sentry Gun // Sep 24, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Good thing I didn’t pick it up right out of the gate.
46 chris // Sep 24, 2008 at 2:41 pm
What a lame review… I thought I was going to read some actual humor. But no…its just a guy who can’t get a game to work on his PC and wants to blame developers.
I can’t even believe I am reading some of the comments that say “this guy should’ve got a job at Shacknews!!”. Did I step into the twilight zone?
47 Ledundead // Sep 24, 2008 at 2:55 pm
@46
He didn’t blame the developers, he praised them!
48 Kowl Slaw // Sep 24, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Praised them like GODS!
49 JaxSpider // Sep 24, 2008 at 3:03 pm
The reviews of this review are out!
“Wow, just wow!…” gives the Rollin Stones
“Two thumbs up, way up!…” Siskel and Ebert
“Hilarious! Couldn’t stop reading till the last word…” Fandago.com
“I laughed, I cried, it was special moment that only happens once in a life time!…” Moviefone.com
“4 out of 4 stars!…” New York Times
Good stuff you got here.
50 Niteowl // Sep 24, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Why is every single Chris a complete douche?
51 J. D. Harper // Sep 24, 2008 at 3:07 pm
I’m looking for Chris’s funny internet review…
Still looking…
“Where’s your thing that you made and put online for everyone to see?”
52 Baejung92 // Sep 24, 2008 at 3:17 pm
I applaud your decision to take your misery and share it in a hilarious way.
53 Bret // Sep 24, 2008 at 3:22 pm
First:
Chris (The witty, webcomic and blog guy) , your snarky wit, and faux critical banter is brilliant. Well done sir. If I wore a hat, and my acknowledgement was of value, I would doff it.
Second: #26 is wise.
Third: Harper: Nice job quoting a person more clever than yourself out of context so as to imply an insult towards a piece of decent quality that insightfully points out a real problem in a witty, sarcastic manner.
54 Rielly // Sep 24, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Here’s what you missed in Clear Sky:
Brief moments where the game is:
- beautiful
- atmospheric
- deeply interesting
… jarringly sandwiched between:
- cumbersome and awkward combat
- bafflingly poor UI
- a frustrating, unrewarding, slightly broken and completely unnecessary faction warfare system.
- Oh-so hilarious bugs and crashes. Direct to your door.
55 J. D. Harper // Sep 24, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Um. There may be some confusion here. Was referring to comment #46, not to the blog post.
56 Bret // Sep 24, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Sorry.
I appologize for the confusion, and now see your post was a relevant quote, and made sense, and was helpful and everything.
Once again, I appologize.
57 jasontimmer // Sep 24, 2008 at 4:03 pm
I’ve been blessed to be able to play clear sky at maximum settings- and it still FUCKING BLOWS. currently, my armor is completely useless- I’ve been trying to earn enough $$ for new armor- and I keep getting robbed by fucking bandits. Sometimes, right after entering a new level, there’s the bandits, right in my face, demanding all my money. Or there’s the fun time when the bandits steal EVERYTHING, and leave you with a pistol. To roam the countryside. With fucking mutants all over. Fuck clear sky.
58 Koth // Sep 24, 2008 at 4:18 pm
LOL tags.
59 Jetamo // Sep 24, 2008 at 4:53 pm
>_> nearly all the games I got need you to restart to change settings.
It’s how I like it.
60 Kowl Slaw // Sep 24, 2008 at 5:32 pm
hmm… I’m glad you don’t have to do that with Bioshock.
And Jonathan Coulton ROCKS.
61 Eother // Sep 24, 2008 at 5:44 pm
From post 46 - “But no…its just a guy who can’t get a game to work on his PC and wants to blame developers.”
Are you saying that if a game is incredibly buggy (as Clear Sky undeniably is), that the developers should not be faulted for it? Or should I just assume you’re another internet moron? Screw it. You’re another internet moron.
Moving on, that was the funniest review I’ve read in a long time. Very well done! Now, just update LiO in the next couple of days, and it’ll be a great week.
62 Trevor // Sep 24, 2008 at 5:56 pm
I was also blown away by the complexity the game presented to me
63 SenatorPalpatine // Sep 24, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Funny review, funny tags.
64 rammingspeed42 // Sep 24, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Internet morons are what make the world go ’round. The Yang to our Yin. Or reversed, because I can 100% guarantee that there has been a moment for everyone here where they were an internet moron, including myself. So we should not
But still, on principle, shut up not-awesome chris. No one likes you. Ever.
Well, I’m glad I read the review. I wasn’t thinking about buying it, and now I’m steadfast in my conviction. I like playing games, not babysitting them. Might as well get paid to play, in that case. And good money too. As always, I greatly appreciate it, Chris.
65 Eother // Sep 24, 2008 at 6:29 pm
Paying money to be treated like a beta tester sucks. Is it that hard to delay a game in order to polish it? I mean, with the release date they chose, they were in direct competition with Spore…doesn’t seem very smart to me. Whatever.
66 arklansman // Sep 24, 2008 at 7:27 pm
“I said come in, don’t stand there” says the first level.
67 Tiler // Sep 24, 2008 at 8:19 pm
Yay, I love it when game companies make you pay to be their beta testers.
68 Wee // Sep 24, 2008 at 8:33 pm
I loved that review <3 I was reading it at work, and I kept cracking up. I attracted some strange glances :/.
69 Random Dude // Sep 24, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Lol @ 46. I see what you did thar ;).
70 Cpt. Falcon // Sep 24, 2008 at 9:23 pm
I laughed out loud atleast once per paragraph.
Shacknews lost their chance.
And @Burn Notice:
I can’t stand that show. I’ll be honest, I never sat through an entire episode, so maybe I’m missing some overwhelming plot thing, but I couldn’t sit through it because of how goddamn over dramatic it is.
I mean c’mon, the loose-cannon cop named Jake Horatio Asskicker who drives a muscle car?!
And damn, I was thinking I might get into Stalker. I need a new single player game after watching my friend play Crysis. He has this gaming laptop that could easily run any game on my machine at VERY HIGH video settings. I’ve never seen TF2 look so good. It made me feel inferior.
Anyway, I watched him play Crysis, and I instantly fell in love with the shotgun. Ever since Duke3D I’ve been a sucker bass-heavy stopping-power shotguns.
Also, the game’s interface and main character was so cool with the suit and HUD and everything that it allowed me to almost over look the lame ragdolls and PATHETIC pathing. I haven’t seen NPCs stuck staring at a wall since HL1.
So anyway, is stalker a cool game?
71 A Person! // Sep 24, 2008 at 9:34 pm
No! Don’t fall into the trap of console gaming!
72 J. D. Harper // Sep 24, 2008 at 9:55 pm
Re: 56 - Bret. No problem. I had forgotten that this was written by a guy named Chris, not a guy named Gordon Frohman. ;)
73 macho // Sep 24, 2008 at 11:48 pm
You know what? This was such a good review I can actually feel myself going through this wonderful experience and frankly, I don’t have a reason to buy this game anymore.
74 ORB // Sep 25, 2008 at 1:21 am
lmao, hyper funny, so funny that i hav pain in my stomach, ugh,… Help me doctor!!!
75 Shlub // Sep 25, 2008 at 3:37 am
I think I’m the only person in the world who hasn’t had problems with Clear Sky (and SoC in fact) crashing?
Mine’s been fine and now that I’m over the initial confusion of how things work I’m having a grand old time.
76 Rovlad // Sep 25, 2008 at 5:35 am
@75: No, some people seem to have no problems running it (I’d estimate it about or less than 5% of players). Probably you have a similar rig to those of developers and/or beta testers (if there were any).
For most of the rest of the world, this game is a glitch fest. Scripts stop responding at random times leading to NPCs disappearing or stopping responding to anything around them (including you), quests become unfinishable, PDA stops logging (so if you forget where you’re supposed to go, you’re pretty much screwed), etc. etc. etc. Not to mention save game corruption, BSODs and blatant crashes to desktop. I’ve never even seen this “endless synchronization” bug Chris has, so there is probably much to look forward to.
You’d thought that GSC would get rid of most of the annoying bugs in original STALKER, but they actually managed to surpass the SoC in terms of unplayability. This aside, the game is a actually a bunch of non-merged, incomplete and outright useless elements bundled together (e.g. “faction war”, where you choose a faction to give out random quests and proceed to wipe out everyone else, not that you can accomplish that since everyone just respawn after a while). AI is remarkable in it’s ability to score hits on you from 200 meters with a shotgun (yours becomes useless like 10 steps away) and throw grenades with a surgeon’s accuracy (literally, if you stand still and 5 bots all throw grenades at the same moment, they all will land at your feet in one spot).
Like SoC, this game has it’s potential. Unlike SoC, it’s not going to be that easy to modify (they have either hard-coded most of the stuff or changed files format to prevent data extracting for god knows what reasons). One more reason it blows.
Keep in mind that this game has been released in ex-USSR since August 22th, and there has been 4 patches since then for the russian version (all of them except the last one were included in US/European release). Overall, there has been over a hundred bugs fixes, each patch fixing some problems and then adding some more. Some people here even prefer to play the game without any patches and claim it to be more stable.
Man. That was quite a rant. But seriously, this is just a warning to all of you who may be toying with idea of buying it. If you do so, better be prepared. You could luck out and pretty much enjoy the game, since it has the same atmospheric and neat feeling to it like SoC had. Or you could just throw your buck away since you can’t freaking run or play it. Personally, I torrented it and seem to have less problems than the most (bug related, that is), but it still doesn’t do for me. So it’s just a fair warning.
Over and out.
77 No Name // Sep 25, 2008 at 5:47 am
that was well written, good job man
78 this review sucks // Sep 25, 2008 at 6:26 am
your review is so boring. just cause your computer is clearly out of date, don’t blame the game. game gets 9/10 easy so try growing a brain.
WORST.REVIEW.EVER.
79 Pretty Important Guy // Sep 25, 2008 at 6:26 am
hahahahahaha, I love you chris.
80 Nonomu198 // Sep 25, 2008 at 7:43 am
Dude. What ever happens. Do NOT buy a console. YOU HEAR ME?! Us PC lovers must stay unitied, or else our money will be gone spent on expensive neverending consoles. Of doom.
81 Killa-Ewok // Sep 25, 2008 at 8:24 am
I like it when internet tough guys don’t get sarcasm.
But I don’t dare to put any of their posts here, cuz, y’know,
“YOU’RE THE ONE THAT DOESN’T GET IT!”
82 randdude // Sep 25, 2008 at 10:47 am
Is it possible that “chris” is also “Chris”? Hmmm.
83 Chris // Sep 25, 2008 at 10:58 am
[09:27:43] The princess leaned over, her fun bags plopping out of her metal bikini. Salacious Crumb removed his trousers. “AHH HA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA” he said.
[09:29:44] The princess removed her bikini bottom, exposing her untrimmed hooch. “Wow,” Han said. “Talk about a walking carpet.”
[09:30:04] “It looks like a womprat is sitting in her lap,” Luke agreed.
[09:30:21] “BEEP BOOP MEEP MOOP MOOP BOP” Artoo added
[09:31:00] “Keeyoto, keeyoto” that one dude who only ever says ‘keeyoto” said
[09:31:19] oh wait, that was her in disguise, huh. crap. the whole plot just fell apart.
[09:33:04] much to all your dismay, I’m sure
[09:33:31] there can be two of her, that’s fine.
[09:34:14] thats hotter even
[09:34:27] its the force
[09:34:51] George Lucas enters the room. “Wait, before you can all start the orgy, I need to explain the origins of your attractions to each other with three drawn out prequels involving trade franchises!” They all club him to death with their penises.
[09:35:01] TEH ENDZ0R
Frohman’s a perv, isn’t he?
84 Sinister Minister // Sep 25, 2008 at 4:39 pm
God, what the hell is with the console hate? Can anyone say ‘cry some more’?
85 Crazy Dan // Sep 25, 2008 at 7:50 pm
Yeah, what’s with the console hate? I mean I enjoy console games as much as I do pc games. It’s bad to limit yourself to one platform and not be able to enjoy as many games.
And to those who say “consoles are for tards”
…umm… well I don’t have anything witty to say but that’s not true.
86 jordan // Sep 25, 2008 at 10:21 pm
i have a pc and a console, and I get twice as many games now. why WOULDNT you get one?
87 Nelson Mandela // Sep 26, 2008 at 3:58 am
I enjoy both consoles and PC’s gaming wise. People who sit on one side and make completely unsubstanciated claims about the other are either totally ignorant of the matter, or have had a very small view of it, and get the wrong idea.
(and no, I’m not really nelson mandela)
88 Gothic // Sep 26, 2008 at 7:26 am
@83: What in the hell was that?
89 jackrabbit // Sep 27, 2008 at 2:10 am
@15
BLASPHEMY! FUCKING BLASPHEMY!
90 Mickiscoole // Sep 27, 2008 at 2:24 am
I have played Clear Sky Extensively and had no trouble.
1. Endless synchronisation occurs when you set the settings up too high. You just have to turn it down a notch or two to get it to work.
2. A restart on change settings only occurs when you change the renderer. (The renderer setting is the ‘objects dynamic lighting’ or ’static lighting’ etc.)
3. The bandit’s raids were much lessened after the first patch I believe.
4. Ensure that EVERY SINGLE DRIVER ON YOUR COMPUTER is up to date.
5.Spend a bit of time getting the settings right and you’ll end up enjoying yourself.
91 D0h // Sep 27, 2008 at 4:56 am
Get a brain and a new PC dude before crying on any games.
Or buy a console and you ll be happy with 3 Red Ring of Death :)
92 Gothic // Sep 28, 2008 at 4:50 am
@91 and so many others:
Fucks sake, stop pissing on consoles. I don’t own one, but I see the draw of them. Sometimes it’s nice to just sit down with a couple of friends in front of a 52 inch HDTV with surround sound and bitch about on Halo or something.
93 Sinister Minister // Sep 28, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Also everyone saying you’re guarateed to get an RRoD is an idiot. Simple as that. If you put your Xbox in a terrible location that would make it get an RRoD, you’re also an idiot.
I have had mine for nearly three years and I have yet to get one.
94 Maximillian Riese // Sep 28, 2008 at 8:06 pm
The fact that you even mentioned Burn Notice.. Dear John and John, you just stepped up on the ladder of awesome.
95 Wunderbear // Oct 1, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Wow, I’ve been called both a “good person” and “wise”.
WISE, motherfuckers. Stick THAT in your hate-pipe and smoke it.
Quickly! Whilst I’m still popular! Send me your moooooneeeey!
96 tyler // Oct 7, 2008 at 12:42 am
are you fucking stupid, your going to complain when obviously you just cant run the game at the highest settings. Why dont you try running the graphics on high and set your resolution low, if you cant run a game at full then you set it low and it works what makes you think it would run if you turned it up again.
97 Strelok // Oct 10, 2008 at 7:59 am
Well may i suggest that instead of being so critical about a game u go buy a decent pc or a decent card(jeez u r such a dumbass)
98 Strelok // Oct 10, 2008 at 8:11 am
And ffs in a time that only graphics count SoC and CS make the dif with a decent story as well. Yet a guy that havent given shit about his pc rate a game and u hear him instead of sending him to hell and tell him to buy a decent card.As for the bugs its true that they r many but with a simple download they r fixed so where in hell is the problem.
I play CS with latest patch and i hv np at all i am almost to finish it.
99 lORD ALEKSI ZHENECHKA // Oct 18, 2008 at 7:43 pm
a review written in such a way where the reader such as my self and others like me are forced to endure an affliction, known as roll on floor laughing with tears in eyes, ROFLTE for short.
it was a well worded, well spoken view of this SHORT AS HELL games begining. i look at the main menu in a new way. thank you this is best review i ever read. when a stalker can run down a wide street in limansk and strike an invisible barrier of nothingness, or be halted by the games most impassible creation, it is not a beast, sniper, machine-gun nest, anomoly, or pool of radioactive acid, no it is but a 3 foot barbed wire fence, a 3d model of the word IRON CIRTAIN if there ever was one. when things like this happen i begin to question the future of the human race. when invisable walls of air and 3 foot fences stop us from getting to chernobyls back yard, we have a problem worse than “global warming”, gas prices, obeasity, and a shittly economy, it makes me worry if 20k nuclear weapons will be enough to wipe out the human race of if some day Ctrl-A might not highlight everything. but i have fix for this, well for me anyway, i will move to russia after i graduate high school, only 5.57 months :), when i get there i will find a attracitive loving wife, get a cat, a old russian car, a tiny unheated apartment, THEN reform the soviet union as it was in the 50’s, invade the north korea, crush all opisition with speed and unrelenting force
that has never been seen in human history, and a soviet on mars, build civilition there, build a space civilation in outer space simular to the one in MASS EFFECT, build a civilation under the pacific ocen simular to the on in BIOSHOCK, have 2 children hopefully 1 boy and 1 girl name them IVAN AND NATASHA, respiktvly. wait im not done, also i supply the people with propaganda posters, bread, potatoes, ad vodka for all, make healthkare and education free for all, and make soviet products of all kinds built by the people of russia the quality standard of the world, create the biggent and most powerful military the world has ever seen. when a enemy attacks, soviet iron will crush into dust and do it just as quickly. traitors, spies and criminals will be shot on sight and their bodies ground up and fed to dogs just as quickly. dammit i did it again , sat for 20 minutes typing a comment, i must find a soultion to this. wait here we go, play clear sky, though the sky IS NOT ALWAYS CLEAR, but IS CLEARER THAN SKY shadow of chernobyl, wich was cool when it came out and still is but pails in comparison to CS, hmm how can sidrovich be bald in 2011, but have hair in 2012, i should look in to the phoenomon. if only someonye could merge the pripiat, bar, wild territory in to CS if only.
100 lORD ALEKSI ZHENECHKA // Oct 18, 2008 at 7:47 pm
minor revision, i want to make the russian federation BACK into THE USSR. i really should prof-read my writings
101 lORD ALEKSI ZHENECHKA // Oct 18, 2008 at 8:24 pm
i am exerencing problems of my own, ’sky wont let me start new game, when snycronize in crash but started new game last week, i haven installed any more mods sence, WTF, now i have to REdownload the mods i put in, and REMEMBER which ones they were, WTF, gliches dumb ai, short storyline aside, it is cool but it IS STILL as unreliable as a under-maintained yugo.
102 AdulBandul // Oct 21, 2008 at 6:43 pm
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103 Gjah // Oct 23, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Holy shit, that was so funny :D
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