Here are some of my personal TF2 stats that aren’t “offically” tracked, but that I keep a tally of in my head. And heart.
Time spent running the wrong way on Warpath: 01:16:42
Time spent playing while mistakenly thinking I’m on BLU when I’m on RED or vice-versa: 11:42:33
Time it takes me to burn someone to death as a pyro: 04:22
Time it takes enemy pyros to burn me to death: :03
Number of times I’ve popped my uber too early because last time I got killed by waiting too long: 1,737
Number of times I’ve gotten killed for waiting too long to pop my uber because last time I popped it too early: 1,736
Number of times I’ve pretended to help an engineer build something by hitting it with my melee weapon while playing a class other than engineer: 501
Number of times it was funny: 2.7
Number of times I switched to spy to capture a point behind enemy lines: 41
Number of times I switched to spy for purely personal revenge reasons that did not benefit the team in any way: 2,168
Number of times killed because I was too busy trying to make my Heavy say something amusing: 43
Fucking train: 144
Number of times I suggested a dispenser was needed at a specific location: 7,894
Number of times I meant it: 0
70 responses so far ↓
1 Sauter // Apr 8, 2008 at 12:59 pm
“Number of times I’ve pretended to help an engineer build something by hitting it with my melee weapon while playing a class other than engineer: 501
Number of times it was funny: 2.7″ same here.
2 noclip // Apr 8, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Number of times I’ve been killed as a cloaked spy by gunfire directed at someone else: 6,020
3 Half // Apr 8, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Dustbowl:
Number of perceived enemy spies as engineer: 6
Actual number of enemy spies: 2
2fort:
Sniper rifle kills: 483
Attempted machete kills because the bastards kept dodging and I got tired of it: 83
Times this worked: 4
Hydro:
Number of times my team has been pushed back to the last mini-level: 21
Some bastard scout shot me in the back before I had a level 1 sentry, I can’t believe it, and is that 18 second respawn time? Why won’t anyone get on the point? Oh shit, I’m going to spawn right before we lose, aren’t I?: 20
4 b4dboyz- // Apr 8, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Rofl I wish I could think of clever stats…
Times my buildings get sapped when I am on the other side of the map: 476
5 greeneggsnsam // Apr 8, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Encore!
6 mattias // Apr 8, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Number of times I died when accidentally taunting instead of reloading: 725
Number of times I destroyed friendly buildings as demoman because I thought I couldn’t hurt them: 24
7 Simon // Apr 8, 2008 at 1:56 pm
Times I’ve laughed my head off at Chris Livingston’s stuff:23,456. Or maybe 23,455
8 madlep // Apr 8, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Number of minutes spent waiting for a slot to open up on that one 32 man, instaspawn, 24/7 Dustbowl server cause I just can’t be bothered playing seriously : 2312
Average time playing 32 man, instaspawn 24/7 Dustbowl before I realise it’s really stupid and just go play Audiosurf instead : 3.21 minutes
Number of times playing as engineer and the last bit of metal is stolen by a pyro who was ‘flaming the gate’ during setup and my sentry doesn’t get upgraded and I die in the first wave : 482
Number of times I’ve run half way across the map as medic cause someone was calling for heals only to find it was a scout at full health in the spawn room : 562
9 Sam // Apr 8, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Number of times I’ve tried to pretend a engie as a spy but the real engies are paranoid freaks and shoot me:
203412 times
10 zealot_guy // Apr 8, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Times burned to death as a cloaked spy: 401
Times I burned a spy to death while they are cloaked or disguised: 4,410
Times as demoman made people exsplode while running up stairs: 81,451,816
Times I smacked a teammate becouse they where annoying me: 10,512,560
Times it even ment anything: 0
Times the person I was standing next to got shot in the head: 602
Times it was funny: 602
Times I was stabbed in the ass by the same person (3 times or more): 520
Times I got revenge on them: 90%
Times I destroyed teleporter entrances by the enemy spawn point: 502,120
11 Half // Apr 8, 2008 at 2:21 pm
“Times I destroyed teleporter entrances by the enemy spawn point: 502,120″
So that was YOU. God damn it.
12 Inquisitor Saturn // Apr 8, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Number of times I’ve tried to stop an uber by blowing apart the medic and his target as a Demoman: 1,286
Number of times it worked: 4
13 The_Wildcat // Apr 8, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Given my very limited experiences with TF2 thus far, this all sounds about right.
Oddly, here’s one I doubt many people encounter but I’ve had some luck with…
Number of times I’ve joined a server precisly 0:19 before the end of a round: 3
14 Draco_2k // Apr 8, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Burned to death as a Spy: 12,064
Burned to death as a Spy inches away from a medkit: 11,126
Backstabbed teammates that were really spies in disguise: 102
Times backstabbed by a disguised enemy spy right after backstabbing another enemy spy disguised as teammate: 12
Times backstabbed by enemy spy while under disguise: 16
Medics backstabbed after being healed by them from the brink of death: 3
Players that backstabbed me after I healed them from the brink of death: 2
Player that thought it was okay to do a taunt in front of their inconspicuous teammate: 5
Enemies lured into friendly Sentry installations: 12
Times telefragged when trying to place a sapper: 32
Times telefragged when not trying to place a sapper: 134
Times running into a freshly teleported Pyro while trying to place a sapper: 6
Teammates tricked into believing I was a Spy when I was really not: 1,603
Teammates tricked into believing I was a Spy and having them chase me across half the map: 1,306
Teammates tricked into believing I was a Spy and having them chase me across half the map and into a bunch of enemies: 683
Teammates hunted down and backstabbed because of auto-balance: 142
Teammates hunted down and backstabbed due to own stupidity: 68
Scenery backstabbed: 124
15 bunky // Apr 8, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Times I stumbled on to a site talking about tf2: 1,642
times I wanted to: 0
16 Baejung92 // Apr 8, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Number of times I lost health from rocket jumping: 501
Number of times I got to where I wanted to by rocket jumping: 7
Number of times I rushed into a chokepoint full of sentries with a fully charged Medic only to have him break away and heal someone else at the last moment: 6832
17 Myxo // Apr 8, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Number of times I’ve taunted BLU team at Dustbowl with Pyro by holding up the flamethrower over my head and laughing: 780
18 tm.Mr.Sin // Apr 8, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Number of times I rushed into a chokepoint full of sentries with a fully charged Medic only to have him break away and heal someone else at the last moment: 6832
THIS!
Also:
Average number of kills per round:50
Average number of times per round I’ve accidently blown myself up as demoman:100
19 SirNuke // Apr 8, 2008 at 5:54 pm
Number of times I’ve messed up a simple rocket jump and made myself look like a fool to the medic healing me: 201
Number of times I’ve been lured away from my buildings as engineer only to have a spy sap them right as I’m too far away to fix them in time: 158
Number of times I’ve correctly discovered a spy but mix them up and accidentally start chasing after someone who doesn’t know about spy checks: 6389
Number of times I’ve bitched about someone playing music and sound clips, but didn’t actually mute them because they were kind of funny: 38
Percentage of positive stats achieved from actual skill, and not a biased map or really, really bad enemy team: 25% :(
Number of times I’ve successfully acquired an enemy medic as spy, only for them to casually press tab and determine that there isn’t anyone on their team the same class as my disguise: 51
Number of times I’ve saved a death picture: 925
Number of times I’ve considered looking at these pictures afterward: 1
20 Dan // Apr 8, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Times I backstabbed an enemy while standing on their head: 2
Times I backstabbed an enemy while they were standing on my head: 1
Times I dropped my disguise in front of an enemy sentry while an enemy engineer was in the line of fire: 2 (I need to do this more often!)
Buildings built underwater: 50
Underwater buildings that went undetected by the enemy: 20
Times disguised as a friendly class: 2
Number of killed snipers with the bat as a scout in 2forst, after jumping across the top of the bridge: 50
Number of backstabbed snipers that were too good to be gotten with the above method: 10
Number of sentries destroyed while the engie was right next to it knocking off sappers that I would repeatedly put on it until it was destroyed: 10
As spy class: F***ing Pyros: 200
Times rounded the corner into an enemy crit rocket that wasn’t fired at me: 5
Times rounded the corner into a train: 1
Spies spotted and killed by their inability to jump over or around my buildings and their inability to notice that I could tell they were spies from this activity: 15
In that buggy, exploitable Battle Creak map, the number of enemies killed by building a sentry by the back teleporter wall thing in such a position that enemies teleporting in would land on top of it and not see it: 50
Number of teleporter exits I planted on the other side of the teleporter wall for the sole purpose of luring enemies through: 25
F***ing map exploiters: 25
Number of times an enemy engie has come to help me build my sentry because he thought it was one of his teammates: 1
21 Pixi // Apr 8, 2008 at 11:46 pm
You guys have way too much time on your hands.
22 Tales // Apr 9, 2008 at 12:21 am
Number of times my healing target has thought they were invincible because they were being healed and ran out into the view of a sentry and died: 6,394,297
Number of Pyro vs. Pyro battles won: 6
Number of Pyro vs. Pyro battles lost: 3,492
Hours wasted on ridiculously difficult double-jump and rocket-jump maps: 4,453
Pecentage of those hours that actually helped improved my double-jump/rocket-jump skill: 0
Number of times attempted the stab-sap combo: 50
Number of times stab-sap combo succeeded: 20
Ragequits: 6
23 palker4 // Apr 9, 2008 at 1:06 am
Numbers of times i got backstabed by spy standing right infront of me : 125
24 Baggie // Apr 9, 2008 at 1:25 am
Times I’ve had a lucky crit a soldier: 5
Times others have killed me with their lucky crits: 502.
Number of snipers taken down in sniper battles: 10
Number of snipers taken me down in sniper battles: 2009.
Times I’ve given up half way and backstabbed the guy: 237
Times I’ve regretted it after getting killed by a pyro after performing said backstabs: 0.
25 Lack_26 // Apr 9, 2008 at 2:48 am
Number of times I’ve disguised and run in to the enemy base: 357
Number of times I’ve run into the enemy base disguised as my own team: 524
Number of times people thought I was being Ironic: 0
26 Koth // Apr 9, 2008 at 4:48 am
Number of times I’ve gotten a game to work on my very new computer: 0
F*ck Dell.
27 Joe // Apr 9, 2008 at 5:11 am
Times I have watched a crit rocket fly at me from ten miles away, with plenty of time to aviod it but I just stood there, hypnotised till it vaporized me: 1, 276
28 Fullforce // Apr 9, 2008 at 5:49 am
Number of times killed by own Sentry: 1,340
Number of Spies around here: Too many
29 Wossname // Apr 9, 2008 at 8:20 am
Times I’ve keeled over while on fire and within arm’s reach of a healthkit: 1,526
Frequent flyer miles from being rocketed/bombed while under an uber: HAY GUIZ, LET’S GO TO VEGAS - AIRFARE IS ON ME!
30 Pentadact // Apr 9, 2008 at 10:26 am
This comment thread has taught us that self-deprecating stats are funny, and self-aggrandising ones are rubbish.
Heroic double-sticky jumps to unguarded caps in the final minutes of a match: 9
Survived: 0
Cumulative cap progress achieved by this: 3%.
Total time spent cloaked while on fire: 9m36s
Minimum time before fired sticky can be detonated: 1.5s
Minimum time before enemy-fired sticky can be detonated: N/A
Most killed class as a Spy: Spy
Classes better at killing Spies than a Spy: 8
Spies: Everywhere
31 Christopher // Apr 9, 2008 at 10:46 am
“Minimum time before fired sticky can be detonated: 1.5s
Minimum time before enemy-fired sticky can be detonated: N/A”
Yeah. What the hell is up with that. Seriously.
32 Dan // Apr 9, 2008 at 10:55 am
Number of times I’ve been backstabbed by a spy I was facing: 25
Number of times I tried to do the same and succeeded: 2
33 Baejung92 // Apr 9, 2008 at 11:14 am
“Number of times my healing target has thought they were invincible because they were being healed and ran out into the view of a sentry and died: 6,394,297″
So it was YOU!!!
34 mattias // Apr 9, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Spies that sapped mah sentry: 2398
35 Oneperson // Apr 9, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Times attempting to rocket jump at low health: 547
Times survived: 9
Times attempting to rocket jump at low health, and firing a crit rocket, thus blowing myself up: 38732307 .
36 mr T....ompson // Apr 9, 2008 at 3:40 pm
number of times a red team member has been seen in the blu spawning room:3 (2 spies, 1 medic, not a clue how they got there)
number of team mates lost to the invaders: 7 (you really dont expect to be backstabbed in your cosy, safe, spawning room)
number of times bombs put on the battlements of 2fort and flown across to the other base:126
number of times this has let me kill a sniper:3
number of times i have got stuck on the red base:2(nice little invisible platform up there)
number of times i have landed too soon and died from the fall:56
number of times this has turned me into a funny position:56
number of times i have landed in the map with low health and then thought “what’s the point?” and blown myself up:24
number of times i have attempted to get out of the map:693
number of times i have been looking at something/working something out/thinking when a spy has backstabbed me:374
number of times an enemy rocket has sent me flying to my doom:278
numbr of times an enemy rocket has blasted me into the airspace of a sentry turret:178
number of times a chainlink fence has saved me:9830 (impossible, but i love those fences anyway)
37 Satchamobob // Apr 9, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Number of times I’ve played the Mario Kart map: 3,205
Number of times it was actually fun: 2
Number of times I’ve ubered someone and they haven’t done anything with it: 342
Number of times my entire team has scout rushed on Gravel Pit: 64,200
Number of times we’ve tried to confuse the red team by batting on the opposite door: 64,197
Number of times this strategy actually worked: 3
Number of games before we decided to always make this our opening strategy: 3
Number of times we pressed x-5 in vain since they put a limit on voice commands: 8,377,593
38 Tales // Apr 9, 2008 at 5:19 pm
@BaeJung92:
I was the healer, not the target. Though on that subject:
Number of times rushed out to attack a sentry only to realised that my ubered medic suddenly decided to change target and I died: 14
39 JaxJesse1 // Apr 9, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Hours I’ve Watched Anyone Play TF2: 1354971
Hours I’ve Played TF2: 1
That’s 154 YEARS!!
40 Baejung92 // Apr 9, 2008 at 6:56 pm
@ Tales:
yeah that’s what i meant, see I said this before:
“Number of times I rushed into a chokepoint full of sentries with a fully charged Medic only to have him break away and heal someone else at the last moment: 6832″
which is actually the same thing as your new one lol
41 Pentadact // Apr 10, 2008 at 1:16 am
@ Oneperson: I don’t think crit explosives do any extra damage to the firer. They certainly send him further, but I seem to take exactly the same damage from a crit rocket I fire at my feet as I do a regular one. You can test this out at the end of a round, if your team won.
They also do no extra damage to Engie kit, but I think everyone knows that now. What I didn’t know until yesterday is that you do the same damage to sentries at any range. So unless you’re a Heavy (where accuracy is a factor) or Pyro (where range is), there’s no point in getting any closer than you absolutely have to, even when ubered.
Wait, this is supposed to be a stats thread. Er, total time knowing this fact: 18h 36m 10s
42 Tales // Apr 10, 2008 at 5:29 am
Oh yeah haha, sorry I didn’t notice!
43 The Rev. Name Withheld // Apr 10, 2008 at 8:27 am
Number of times that bat has been swung during double jump as scout: 5, 724, 055
Amount of time spent in a stalemate siege on cp_warpath: 7 hours 41 minutes
NEED A DISPENSER HERE: 1, 500, 252
Number of times I have died with a full Ubercharge: 512
Number of times I let a person I knew was a spy sap my sentry just so I could hear my Engineer shriek “SPY SAPPIN’ MAH SENTRY!”: 20
44 zealot_guy // Apr 10, 2008 at 1:47 pm
45 zealot_guy // Apr 10, 2008 at 1:47 pm
http://fanboys-online.com/minis/20080327.jpg
46 trapped // Apr 10, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Fucking trains indeed.
47 Half // Apr 10, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Times I’ve killed myself with a sticky or rocket while on fire, so the pyro wouldn’t get the kill: 84.
48 chris12 // Apr 10, 2008 at 4:02 pm
ROFL, great stats, man
49 Neural Psychosis // Apr 10, 2008 at 6:09 pm
Times I’ve thought “Man, I really want to play TF2 right now”: 1,465
Times I’ve loaded TF2 knowing full well that I won’t be able to play it: 2,530
Times I’ve thought “Damnit, I really need to upgrade from my crappy GeForce4 card”: 35,168
Times I’ve upgraded from my crappy GeForce4 card: 0
:(
50 Akrid // Apr 11, 2008 at 11:57 am
I dont think those numbers are accurate.
51 Siloz // Apr 11, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Number of times I ran past enemy spawn as an engineer to put a teleport behind them even though we were losing : 503
Number of times it actually helped : 0
Number of times I placed a sentry at their spawn : 503
Number of teammates that ever use the tele : 2
Average kills the sentry gets : 5
Number of times enemy comes for revenge and kills me because of the sentry : 503
Number of times I regret it : 0
Number of times we lose because the engie (myself) isn’t helping to guard the base : 503
Number of times I cared about the lose : 0
Number of times caught trying to get behind enemy lines : 5,406
and finally….
Number of times Vista froze up as soon as I got into a server : 6,405
Vista sucks! XP works perfectly. kthxbye.
52 Matt` // Apr 11, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Times found out while playing spy and disguised in enemy base: 539
Times killed on the spot: 421
Times I decided to retreat: 3
Times I decided to try for a quick backstab (on an unobservant bystander) before they kill me: 118
Times it worked: 22
Times I still managed to get away: 4
Times I wished I’d just retreated: 0
53 Matt` // Apr 11, 2008 at 4:00 pm
crap, tried to make the numbers add up but I missed the 3 times I retreated :(
54 Rivent // Apr 11, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Number of times I got lost and ended up back in my own base: 433
Number of times I back stabbed an enemy in front of an enemy sentry: 9175
Number of times I owned because I was typing a random team message: 1337
Number of times I cracked up at the guy hit by a train in front of me: 144
Number of times I tried to flame someone underwater: 1404
Number of times I sacrificed myself on enemy mines so my team could capture a point: 23183
Number of times I planned to: 0
Number of times I got sniped in the face: 4527
Number of times I respawned as a sniper for revenge then got sniped in the face: 4528
Number of times I found the Scout yelling “Boink” amusing: 492975
Number of times I wanted to gauge my eyes out after looking at a dodgy custom spray: 116
Number of times I have bragged to my friends about my TF2 stats: 738134
Number of times they gave a shit: 0
55 Legendaryhero // Apr 11, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Times i took teleports as a spy because i forgot i switched classes: 105
Times i’ve killed myself trying to rocket jump // bomb jump as a soldier or demoman: 2046
Times i’ve gotten fed up with my teammates not being able to kill people and gone rambo medic: 10,678
Times i’ve gotten my entire team to switch to a single class because i thought it would be hillarious: 52
Times we won doing that: 28
Times we made everyone on the team go spy: 8
Times it was hillarious: 8
56 Wade // Apr 11, 2008 at 11:32 pm
Times I’ve uncloaked behind the one person I intended to kill: 13
Times I’ve uncloaked in front of a bunch of people I didn’t intend to kill: 4,813
Times I’ve plinked at roof-sprinters on 2Fort with a 1-bar sniper shot: 3,112
Times I’ve loudly cursed out our team’s inefficient medics: 319
Times they’ve healed me afterwards: 0
Hours spent toasting other peoples triumphs as a demoman: 3
Hours spent playing demoman: 3
57 J-man // Apr 12, 2008 at 4:02 am
Number of rounds wasted yelling at anti-semites, racists, and campers: 1,278,647
58 good career move // Apr 12, 2008 at 6:26 am
times any of you have had a girlfriend: 0
59 Sinister Minister // Apr 12, 2008 at 9:45 am
Times “good career move” has had a girlfriend: 0
See, I can do that too.
60 Jon Davis // Apr 12, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Number of times I stayed at C setting up turrets to defend it, with the silent sound of crickets, while the action was in A, then towards the end of the round someone would come along, kill me, take out my turrets, all in one move, before the action ever begins.
27,494
61 Dan // Apr 12, 2008 at 7:17 pm
Once I played on a Gravel Pit server where the entire defending team went spy one round. We won very quickly, partly because I was a pyro that round. Broke a few records that round too.
62 Skafsgaard // Apr 13, 2008 at 5:59 am
Number of times spend on 1fort, reading about tf2 rather than actually playing this: 2.321
Number of times the reason I didn’t go play tf2 instead, was that I thought I was smart when I overclocked my cpu, but now it’s a piece of toast: 2.145
63 Punjabi Fury // Apr 14, 2008 at 1:36 am
Times I got set on fire as a spy, panicked, and tried to cloak to escape: 42
64 iwannaweewee // Apr 14, 2008 at 7:29 am
Number of times on average per round I requested for a medic attention: 16
Number of times that I actually got medic attention: 1
Number of times I taunt whenever I killed someone: 793
Number of times I got killed while doing that taunt: 780
Amount of time spent chasing enemies with my flamethrower: 93mins
Number of times the that I actually managed to burn them while chasing: 5
65 Neural Psychosis // Apr 15, 2008 at 3:59 am
@50: It is. Sometimes I just load up TF2 on an impulse, or just to see if I can bypass the DirectX 7 limiter.
66 Bacon-face1019 // Apr 18, 2008 at 12:19 am
number of times running after a demo as pyro while he plants stickies: 1,982
times survived:4
times demo died from being on fire while planting stickies: -3 (damn suicides)
67 Rymel // Apr 18, 2008 at 7:08 am
Number of times I joined the losing team in the last second: 293
Number of times our team lost and I ran to hide: 731
Number of times it worked - I survived: 26
Number of times I rushed into enemies, in order to get killed before we lose: 1349
Number of times I did decent damage that way: 15
Number of times I killed enemy in the last second preventing him from free-fragging: 3
Number of cloaked spies I killed because they used teleport: 134
Number of sentries destroyed with pyro flaming around corner: 684
68 Anonymous // Apr 26, 2008 at 11:26 am
Number of bullets fired with the minigun: 103004401050999999923
Number of times I actually killed someone with it: 91
69 Kilroy // Dec 14, 2008 at 11:22 am
Number of times people have whined about Scout being cheap to me: ~10
Number of times people have whined about Pyro being cheap to me: 9463258791429 or so times, I stopped counting a couple months ago.
Number of times people have whined about Engie being cheap to me: ~300
I always get the whiny people.
70 Baublitz // Feb 1, 2009 at 9:50 pm
Number of Times I captured the intelligence 3 times in less than 4 minutes with a full server: 1
Number of times i told the story: 540,173
Number of people who believe me:3
Leave a Comment
To cut down on spam, any comment posting a link will be held for moderation. If you'd like to post a link, please paste it into the "website" field and direct others to click your name. Thanks.
You can also cut down on spam by not spamming my comments section. If you have nothing to say, please, don't say anything. Thanks.