If my life were an RPG, this is how my typical day would go.
I would wake up in the morning exactly eight hours after going to sleep while standing next to my bed fully dressed. If I’d had any injuries, such as a cut on my thumb or a sore calf, they would be fully healed. I would have a lot of energy.
I would leave my house at a full run, neglecting to eat or brush my teeth or change my clothes. I’d head roughly in a straight line toward work, running through traffic, leaping over hedges, trash cans, or other obstructions. If I came to a river, and there was not a bridge in the immediate vicinity, I’d just swim across it fully clothed.
The door to the office, although locked, would open for me because I have the key in my pocket.
My boss would not ask me to do any work, even if he was right next to me, looking at me, until I chose to speak with him. He would also have no reaction to me jumping on his desk and kicking his stuff all over the place.
Though chairs are everywhere, I would not sit the entire day, even while working at my desk.
I would wear my coat and sweatshirt the entire day, regardless of the fact that it is much warmer in the office than it is outdoors. If I did decide to take off my coat, it would fall, neatly folded, next to me. Coworkers walking by would think nothing of walking over it or kicking it aside.
The visitor in the lobby looking for one of my coworkers would not just let me point the way down the hall to my coworker’s cubicle. He would insist I deliver a message to my coworker personally. He would wait in the lobby, perhaps for months, until I had delivered the message and returned to tell him I had done so.
After completing this task, and others, I would then be able to choose if I’d like to become slightly stronger, smarter, more durable, or more charismatic. (Sadly, I would not be able to choose to be a few inches taller.)
I would keep track of all my current, and completed tasks, no matter how trivial, in a journal I carried with me. When someone asked me to do something, I would write their instructions down, word for word, or perhaps make a recording of them speaking the instructions for future reference. Even incredibly important tasks would be unlikely to have a deadline.
If I decided to kill a coworker, it wouldn’t be a problem unless another coworker saw or heard me doing it. If they didn’t, I could then drag the corpse of my coworker around, or leave it in plain sight, and no one would say a thing about it.
I’d probably skip lunch, but if I decided to eat, I could choose from a large selection of food, like potato chips, fruit and vegetables, an entire ham, bagels, sandwiches, oatmeal, etc, all of which I am carrying in my pockets. I’d have no compunctions about eating something I’d found on the ground, or meat I’d been carrying with me for weeks. If I decided to have some wine with lunch, I couldn’t just have a glass: I’d drain the entire bottle in one gulp.
I’d talk to a few people at the office, though some, the ones I don’t know well and don’t really work with, wouldn’t have much to say besides a single sentence, like “I hear the supply cabinet on the second floor is a great place to find office supplies” or “Anytime I want to make a change to my health benefits, I visit Mary Tompkins in Human Resources.” Or, “Hello there!”
On the way home (running again), I might stop at the store for cigarettes. If I didn’t have enough cash on me, I’d simply sell some of my belongings to the guy behind the counter, such as spare ammunition, clothing, food, or a spare wristwatch, until I had enough money to cover the balance.
If I’d dropped something on the way to work, even if it was very expensive and left right out in the open, it would still be lying right where I’d dropped it.
I might talk to a few people on the way home. They might ask for my help with a sensitive matter, such as escorting their child somewhere, or delivering a message or item to a family member in another city. They’d absolutely trust me with this task, despite me being a complete stranger.
At home again, I’d run in the door, dump the items I didn’t want to carry on the floor, and head right for bed. (Actually, this isn’t that far from the truth sometimes.)
195 responses so far ↓
1 john w // Jan 8, 2009 at 9:36 am
lol
very true :P
2 ZomBuster // Jan 8, 2009 at 9:38 am
(Sadly, I would not be able to choose to be a few inches taller.)
lol
3 Mike // Jan 8, 2009 at 9:49 am
I got a very Not My Deskish vibe from this. :)
4 Lack_26 // Jan 8, 2009 at 9:55 am
Ah, if only life were like fallout 3 (well, except for the nuclear holocaust bit. But I’d love the retro-futurism and I really want a Mr. Handy)
5 Ragepyro // Jan 8, 2009 at 9:59 am
Chris, just a suggestion but you could set up an email address so that we could contact you with any information we have.
6 Zoinker // Jan 8, 2009 at 10:00 am
- Hey Charlie. Finished the TPS report yet?
- I was walking down the street, and I saw a bum! Horrible creatures!
7 Sortie // Jan 8, 2009 at 10:10 am
“Gordon, they’re waiting for you in the test chamber.”
8 Ether // Jan 8, 2009 at 10:13 am
In before your work considers this a murder threat.
9 Mike // Jan 8, 2009 at 10:15 am
LOL @ Zoinker
10 Thomas Paine // Jan 8, 2009 at 10:18 am
I will pretend that this counts as Living in the Oblivion corporation cubicles.
11 Defcon // Jan 8, 2009 at 10:25 am
If my life was an RPG I’d probably be run out of towns by angry mobs.
Well… more often than normal at least.
12 Zacmanman // Jan 8, 2009 at 10:34 am
This is very reminiscent to Not My Desk. I had a pretty awesome laugh at this.
13 Ffitz // Jan 8, 2009 at 10:48 am
I’d also like to add “no-one would have any problem with me entering their house uninvited, rifling through their baskets, wardrobes and cupboards, and stealing all their money, food and possibly livestock, right in front of their stupid faces.”
14 Borisvdb // Jan 8, 2009 at 10:54 am
Don’t forget the random creatures that would attack you while your running to work causing you to have to grind for quite a bit! :P
15 greeneggsnsam // Jan 8, 2009 at 11:06 am
This is more like “If my life were a Bethesda game”, just fyi.
16 Kollega // Jan 8, 2009 at 11:11 am
Two words: Awesome.
17 elZaphod // Jan 8, 2009 at 11:22 am
And never, ever go to the bathroom. Kind of like Jack Bauer.
18 Big_B // Jan 8, 2009 at 11:29 am
Comedy gold. Nicely done! I think you should sell this idea to some developers.
19 Jimbimanim // Jan 8, 2009 at 11:38 am
Bwahahahaha, bloody brilliant. I laughed a lot.
You never notice this stuff while you’re playing ingame until you think about it like this.
Also I’d buy a tag for $3 :D
20 Unconcerned Sam // Jan 8, 2009 at 11:40 am
Brilliant! Something with the vibe of notmydesk in it.
21 Aaron // Jan 8, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Sooommeeboddyy has been playing too much Fallout and Oblivion.
22 Shadow Hog // Jan 8, 2009 at 12:08 pm
On a completely unrelated topic, is there a particular reason the Spy averages -55,000 points an hour right now?
23 ScotlandTom // Jan 8, 2009 at 12:20 pm
If only everybody’s boss behaved more like a quest-giving NPC. It’s amazing how ridiculous an RPG seems when you make a direct comparison to reality.
24 Wolf the Widowmaker // Jan 8, 2009 at 12:59 pm
“If My Life Were a Recent Role-Playing Game Made by Bethesda Softworks”
There. Fixed the title for you.
25 Nostrilsoup // Jan 8, 2009 at 1:00 pm
I would also add:-
- No one, not even me, EVER uses the toilet, or takes a shower.
- Even after suffering severe physical trauma, people stay standing. They won’t sit or lie down, and only when actually dead will they fall over.
- Our national currency has no banknotes, and only issues one type of coin, which is worth “one”. Nothing costs less than this.
- Fortunately, the money is pretty much weightless so you can carry thousands of them around!
-
26 Killa-Ewok // Jan 8, 2009 at 1:19 pm
Also, whenever you decide to “start on a clear table”, so to speak, you could choose whether you’d want to be a brutish white guy, a less brutish white guy, a black guy, bunch of faggots with long ears or a furry. Also choosing a new name and modifying your own face would be performable.
27 Darkgamr // Jan 8, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Something is telling me you’ve played too much Fallout 3 lately.
28 IdleHands // Jan 8, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Hah! That was pure genius, comedy gold. Though why run in a straight line to work, you could fast travel there. God what I would give for the power to fast travel.
29 Chris (a different one) // Jan 8, 2009 at 2:22 pm
You forgot to add to the co-worker killing part about how a police officer will appear out of nowhere, run up to you, and shout “STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!” At which point, you can choose to go to jail for exactly 24 hours, pay a small fine, or duke it out with the officer.
30 Addicted // Jan 8, 2009 at 2:26 pm
I thought you quit smoking!
But anyway, this was very funny. Reminded me of those not my desk essays I love so very very much.
31 Jon Baker // Jan 8, 2009 at 2:28 pm
You speak nothing of the co-op possibilities! You know, where you and another avatar (usually one of the opposite gender class) assist each another in daily routines and engage in recreational activities?
Or is your version of reality currently not patched for that?
32 Kowl Slaw // Jan 8, 2009 at 2:51 pm
I’m running Reality V2.10….When is the next patch coming out???? I’m having all sorts of bugs in it…My person won’t stay asleep at night, I cant carry an unlimited sums of money, and when I kill someone everyone seems to care!!
33 Steven // Jan 8, 2009 at 2:53 pm
“If I decided to kill a coworker, it wouldn’t be a problem unless another coworker saw or heard me doing it.”
Unless, of course, your life is the sort of RPG where you can kill someone in private, out of the sight of everybody, but somehow everyone knows about it automatically and all the stores start charging you more money as a result.
34 Thordain // Jan 8, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Chris, if you are looking for a new gaming podcast, might I suggest the Giant Bombcast. Very funny people there who know what they are talking about. The link is on my name.
35 Nonomu198 // Jan 8, 2009 at 2:57 pm
I almost crapped out of laugh. Made me forget about all my troubles :)
36 Nelson Mandela // Jan 8, 2009 at 3:44 pm
I loled.
37 Erased // Jan 8, 2009 at 3:55 pm
*sigh*
If only my life were like that.
“Sir, i asked you for your powerpoint presentation 2 days ago!”
-”Fuck you, boss”
-”Sorry sir, ill bring it tomorrow
-(Say Nothing)
38 Duke // Jan 8, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Chris, this post is not “If My Life Were a Role-Playing Game”, but “If My Life Was Like Oblivion”.
Thanks for laughs, though =)
39 Duke // Jan 8, 2009 at 3:58 pm
…or what Wolf the Widowmaker said (#24)
40 Tycho // Jan 8, 2009 at 4:06 pm
You also forgot to mention that, should you go hunting with a friend over the weekend, you would inexplicably find numerous pieces of silver cutlery stashed up the anuses of the animals you killed.
41 Level // Jan 8, 2009 at 4:14 pm
Hmm, somebody seems to be continuing concerned. Concerned 2 (per se), is actually okay. Same style of humor, don’t know how long this guy will be able to keep it going though.
See my ‘webpage’ for the link to the comic.
42 Jeremy // Jan 8, 2009 at 4:30 pm
@Nostrilsoup
Rofl. Brilliant. Now, if we could just have another Nondrick update…
43 That one guy // Jan 8, 2009 at 4:34 pm
And it showed up ages ago in that post about the make your own TF2 plush stickybombs.
44 Sc4r // Jan 8, 2009 at 4:37 pm
When you went somewhere, you could immediately deduce the name of the place, even if you had never been there before. You could enter the subway, whereyou could find all sorts of creatures that want to kill you. Finally, you could kill bums and sell their meat (maybe hey have silverware inside?)
45 The_Linker // Jan 8, 2009 at 5:18 pm
About Concerned 2: I can’t decide if he’s read it and doesn’t care, doesn’t care period, or has stopped reading the comments and has also gone blind and been hiding under like sixteen rocks. Ah, well. I found it pretty darn good when I read it a few months ago, when it had, maybe, 6 pages? Good stuff.
46 Nosferatu5 // Jan 8, 2009 at 6:07 pm
Woah. What the fuck is with the Spy stats? I just checked them, and… Woah.
Click my name for the stats.
Or just google it.
-65000?
47 Alexander // Jan 8, 2009 at 6:13 pm
Dear Chris,
We have captured a seal and will stab it in the ear if we do not get Nondrick within 24 hours.
-Alex
P.S. Am I evil now
48 Putzy // Jan 8, 2009 at 6:20 pm
I am so very sorry everyone! I didn’t realise how annoying spam was until seeing this kid clogging up the comments section! Sweet Jesus! I repent! I repent!
49 Nosferatu5 // Jan 8, 2009 at 6:20 pm
Seems that all the soldiers are killing all the spies.
Alexander, oh noes! A baby seal?
50 Putzy // Jan 8, 2009 at 6:22 pm
also, alexander, you are evil now, thanks to my love for the ethical treatment of knives.
51 Christopher // Jan 8, 2009 at 6:25 pm
Andyman has been banned for “I cant think of any more so heres more random spamming”
Please don’t treat the comments section like your personal toilet. If you want to shit all over a website, please make your own.
52 Awcko // Jan 9, 2009 at 9:26 am
Good job Chris, it’s time that dumb-ass left, never to comment again.
53 AlphaHawk // Jan 9, 2009 at 11:10 am
And the epic battles between the copying machine and board meetings would be included too right? That shit requires much mana to survive.
54 AlphaHawk // Jan 9, 2009 at 11:10 am
Danke for banning the douche btw.
55 Khaotic // Jan 9, 2009 at 11:19 am
You forgot to mention that after climbing out of the river, your clothes are instantly dry.
56 Killa-Ewok // Jan 9, 2009 at 11:56 am
Leave a Comment
To cut down on spam, any comment posting a link will be held for moderation. If you’d like to post a link, please paste it into the “website” field and direct others to click your name. Thanks.
You can also cut down on spam by not spamming my comments section. If you have nothing to say, please, don’t say anything. Thanks.
Chris. What.
57 Christopher // Jan 9, 2009 at 12:00 pm
There are two kinds of spam. Advertising spam, done by bots and the like, and comment spam, like what Andywhatsisface was doing. I’m trying to avoid both.
Bottom line: though it may not seem like it, I do put some thought into what I post on this site. I’m just asking everyone else to do the same.
58 Mike // Jan 9, 2009 at 12:15 pm
You should be spending less time discussing spam and more time getting the people what they want: NONDRICK.
59 Blue-Chameleon // Jan 9, 2009 at 12:48 pm
@46:
Still weird stats coming from the Spy.
60 Killa-Ewok // Jan 9, 2009 at 1:01 pm
@58
This man speaks the truth.
61 MadTinkerer // Jan 9, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Actually, while Nondrick is entertaining, there comes a point where “avoiding doing anything” loses it’s charm. Nondrick needs to find something to do, or the series should be wrapped up neatly (Cojncerned worked great as a series with an actual end) so that Chris can move on to other stuff.
Maybe Nondrick could kill the final boss without taking on an actual quest to do so? (I haven’t played through Oblivion myself, so…)
62 Shatari // Jan 9, 2009 at 2:31 pm
On topic: This would make for a really cute video, if it were taken to it’s logical extreme. XD
@61: That seems a little too adventuristic for Nondrick. I figure it’s going to end when he gets ambushed by a werewolf armed with a silver knife and fork.
63 PsychoDuck // Jan 9, 2009 at 2:35 pm
You forgot to add that, whenever you’re talking to someone, the entire world would freeze in time for everyone but you and the person you’re talking to until the conversation ends.
Also, if someone angry at you is nearby, you won’t be able to sleep. Too bad for married folks.
64 PsychoDuck // Jan 9, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Oh, and as for the freaky spy stats, I think Valve’s messing with us again. It’s impossible for the spy to actually be doing so bad. After all, I’ve only been playing Pyro and Soldier lately ;)
65 AlphaHawk // Jan 9, 2009 at 4:20 pm
“it may not seem like it, I do put some thought into what I post on this site. I’m just asking everyone else to do the same.”
Sorry Chris, but I find this statement to be quite incredulous :P
66 Arthur // Jan 9, 2009 at 6:04 pm
hell i’ll buy dead space for you …. i maybe owe you as i think i only donated 5 or 10 bucks for the half life of gordon frohman … seriously why arent you rich? You cheapass bastards reward the man!!!
67 Putzy // Jan 9, 2009 at 6:06 pm
nice one @63. the married couple joke cracked me up XD
68 the jellyman // Jan 9, 2009 at 6:21 pm
y’know, this is one of the reasons I keep checking on this site every now and then. Along with occasional reports about half life, and LIVING IN OBLIVION (all caps in case he doesn’t get the hint)
69 the jellyman // Jan 9, 2009 at 6:23 pm
Oh and @65 ‘I find it to be incredulous?’ I think you mean Ridiculous. Incredulous is an adjective, as in he did not wuite believe what he was seeing, he was incredulous.
The Grammar Knight lives on!
70 Mad David // Jan 9, 2009 at 8:42 pm
This isn’t true!
A *lot* of RPGs have implemented chairs
71 Kollega // Jan 9, 2009 at 10:10 pm
Hmm… Broken Steel… What does that mean? (hint:Livin’ in Fallout 3)
As for Dead Space,why do you want to buy it? Because it’s scary,or because it’s second name is Viva Decapitation?
72 Erased // Jan 10, 2009 at 12:46 am
@51
Oh thank GOD
73 DethPenguin // Jan 10, 2009 at 2:37 am
Lulz, a guy on Youtube made a video about something like this.
74 Gothic // Jan 10, 2009 at 5:46 am
To quote the demoman, bloody brilliant!
75 Moonside // Jan 10, 2009 at 9:19 am
You forgot the loading times.
76 Killa-Ewok // Jan 10, 2009 at 11:05 am
@75
And the music.
77 Tyk-Tok // Jan 10, 2009 at 11:54 am
Christopher, I always thought that you put pretty good attention to your posts.
78 how do i contact the owner of this blog // Jan 10, 2009 at 2:58 pm
i have to talk with you about that hacker that got your account a ways back i might have found him!!!!
79 Tyk-Tok // Jan 10, 2009 at 3:21 pm
@78
The fact that you don’t know the owner’s name is Christopher Livingston, that you don’t specify what kind of account of his got hijacked, and that the link in your name is a parking domain makes me trust you completely.
80 J23 // Jan 10, 2009 at 3:23 pm
STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!
You have broken the law and must go to court or serve your sentence!
Oh no! A Cop has appeared! What do you do?
Go to Court
Go to Jail
RESIST ARREST
THEN PAY WITH YOUR BLOOD, SCUMBAG!
81 how do i contact the owner of this blog // Jan 10, 2009 at 3:32 pm
sorry i gust don’t want the person that i think it might be able to track me down. and btw i found this blog because i had a friend of mines steam account hack and i track down the person he lives in canada sorry that i dont know your name i was gust trying to see if this was the same guy then we can talk with the canadan police and get him on “Phishing ” i have his phone name and were he lives
82 sorry // Jan 10, 2009 at 3:35 pm
lols dont maind the bad grammer and spelling i suck it all of it
but i do have prof thats this person takes peoples accounts and buys and sells them
83 Roadrunner // Jan 10, 2009 at 3:53 pm
Who cares, he does a good blog.
84 ? // Jan 10, 2009 at 4:12 pm
can i ask how old is Livingston?
85 ? // Jan 10, 2009 at 4:33 pm
and what is his job?
86 Bret // Jan 10, 2009 at 5:22 pm
He lives in California.
Had his Steam account stolen a bit ago, so even if you are legitimate, he ain’t the guy you’re looking for.
87 Icks // Jan 10, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Good thing he’s definitely not a stalker or anything…
88 ok // Jan 10, 2009 at 5:38 pm
ok well i did track down the guy that tryd hacking my friend this was what the hacker did to trick him
“ID Technician: Due to recent hack attempts we are monitoring Steam accounts VERY closely. We have noticed 2 different IPs have logged into your account recently. In order to verify that YOU are the correct owner we require you to log in ([website removed]). Once you log in, your IP will verify who you are and be set to your steam account.”
89 Doma // Jan 10, 2009 at 6:22 pm
should’ve said something about someone talking to a clone of themselves about a shop owned by themselves
90 Aeneas // Jan 10, 2009 at 6:25 pm
Chris,
I am loving Dead Space but its not worth that sort of money.
91 a westie // Jan 10, 2009 at 9:12 pm
Hi Chris! Good links can be found at - The Google Page.
92 Putzy // Jan 11, 2009 at 2:23 am
well, I’m not suspicious of the new guy. Whats that? You want all my bank account numbers, my social security number, my PIN, my steam account name and number, my address, my full name, my mothers full name including her maiden name, GPS coordinates for my house, the code to my safe, and the code to my bike lock? Well sure! I’ll be happy to help you out!here they are:
74855135524877629254h345g4hgf6yh46e54d67u6j5hhh2g16f4f54gh6j54y4321g5gj743f156f4454hj5hg45j1687n861gh31h56n6b54m68jkh35l35kh4lh453j1654j654o654651r3575121d5464a516455n4.
not neccessarily in that order.
93 Kraken // Jan 11, 2009 at 3:33 am
Brilliant!
94 Killa-Ewok // Jan 11, 2009 at 5:41 am
OK, let’s talk serious.
About the Pyro. What is his/her/its nationality? My guess would be either Mexican or Asian.
95 Kowl Slaw // Jan 11, 2009 at 5:56 am
He might be Mexican……I think it’s a guy also.
96 Kollega // Jan 11, 2009 at 6:47 am
Pyro can’t be asian because he and harmony don’t fit toghether. I think Pyro may be Scandinavian. This way,he can represent all scandinavian guys at Valve.
97 Killa-Ewok // Jan 11, 2009 at 8:03 am
Think about it; All the classes represent some part of the world, but Asia and South America has been completely left out of the picture. The Pyro is Asian. That explains the HADOUKEN and some of his weird words.
98 Kowl Slaw // Jan 11, 2009 at 8:33 am
We will probably never know.
99 Cupajoe // Jan 11, 2009 at 10:53 am
lol at spy stats. I think they are at -160000 now…(I might have added an extra zero)
And it’s about damn time you did something about Andyman!
100 Slowpoke // Jan 11, 2009 at 11:01 am
Comment 50!
101 Generic Username // Jan 11, 2009 at 11:01 am
Comment 1- Aw, fuck.
102 Tyk-Tok // Jan 11, 2009 at 11:18 am
I love this blog! You get a few personalities, every once in a while. Jordan was the first big one, of course, then we have a few interims until Andyman asserted himself. After he just got done blocked, this new guy (who changes his name every time, another nod towards the suspicious category) shows up. Ah, internet, you have never failed me…
103 Moe! // Jan 11, 2009 at 11:39 am
Can we sue this guy for infringement of intelluctual property, Chris? (click my name for website)
Alright, well, not really…but does nobody else get a distinct Nondrick vibe from it?
104 XChillaGorillaX // Jan 11, 2009 at 12:02 pm
@Christopher
buy Dead Space! its really worth it I already completed it twice on my 360 :D
105 Kowl Slaw // Jan 11, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Is DS worth buying?
106 Kowl Slaw // Jan 11, 2009 at 12:51 pm
For the PC (sorry for double post)
107 Jimborb // Jan 11, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Dead space is a third person survival horror shooter, without the survival horror part.
Its good but It’s not worth $50 not by a long shot.
108 Nonomu198 // Jan 11, 2009 at 2:05 pm
The Heavy is from Russia, Russia is in Asia.
I say Pyro is from South Africa. That’s why he has this little star wars dance as a taunt. He is a hunter.
@Kowl Slaw
No. Buy a Nintendo DS for your PC instead! Insta fun!
109 Kowl Slaw // Jan 11, 2009 at 2:10 pm
XD
110 Jimborb // Jan 11, 2009 at 3:46 pm
I am so freaking confused…
Personally I think it’s pointless to debate the nationality of the pyro as we’ll never find out, let’s debate something more pressing, when will the TF2 update for the xbox 360 finally be released?
111 Mike // Jan 11, 2009 at 4:36 pm
No game is worth $50. I won’t pay over $35 for a game, and that’s for a game I’m DYING to have. Otherwise, it’s $30 and under. I’ll wait 4 to 6 months for the value to drop and then snag whatever I’m looking at for next to nothing.
PGR4 cost me 12 bucks and that game is a bucket of awesome.
112 that guy // Jan 11, 2009 at 5:19 pm
@110: It’s believed that it will be released when all the class packs are out. Seeing as how they can push one out in a couple of months or so, probably over a year for now.
113 nobbie // Jan 12, 2009 at 5:57 am
sometimes, npcs don’t care if you kill other npcs right infront of them =s
114 XChillaGorillaX // Jan 12, 2009 at 6:48 am
@Chris:
Buy Dead Space, but start writing Living in Oblivion Posts first! :D
115 Mike // Jan 12, 2009 at 9:02 am
So many disappointments, Chris.
116 Nonomu198 // Jan 12, 2009 at 10:05 am
(hey, remember how 1fort is about TF2?)
Have you guys played TF2 lately? It seems to me that it is getting full with little assholes, who keep cursing and get everyone mad at everyone, ruining servers. Is it only me? :o
117 Roadrunner // Jan 12, 2009 at 10:27 am
Nah its just you- if you had some good servers you play on, add them to your favourites and you dont suffer that problem.
118 Kollega // Jan 12, 2009 at 11:18 am
I guess Chris is preparing LiO update.
119 Kollega // Jan 12, 2009 at 11:21 am
Oops,just viewed 1Fort news ticker… I guess Chris is going to update LiO. Someday.
120 Nonomu198 // Jan 12, 2009 at 12:04 pm
While Chris is resulting to casual games, I have played a total of mindblowing (for me) 72.4 hours on Steam the ast two weeks. I don’t even know how I found the time and the games to do that, as I usually go as far as 30 hours. I’m HARDCORE now. Or a lifeless nerd, it’s all about your point of view, they say.
121 andy // Jan 12, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Dear Chris,
I would like to apologize for my uber-spam streak earlier in the week and wish to make a deal for my return. my proposal is 0-5 off topic comments, 5-10 on topic comments and advice when wanted (per post). please dont ban me again- im on a public computer. if you say not to post i wont. again, i apologize for my spam and wont do it again.
-andyman
122 andy // Jan 12, 2009 at 2:56 pm
PS dont email me. i dont even know if mine works
123 Mike // Jan 12, 2009 at 3:04 pm
We don’t negotiate with terrorists.
124 andy // Jan 12, 2009 at 3:06 pm
plz? ;(
125 andy // Jan 12, 2009 at 3:09 pm
and im chaotic neutral
126 Nonomu198 // Jan 12, 2009 at 4:21 pm
See what you’ve done here? Meaningless double comments (not even fixing any typos! Which is a rational thing to do! PLEASE DON’T BAN ME CHRIS!!!!). Agin.
127 Putzy // Jan 12, 2009 at 5:31 pm
andy, after everything you have done, why would we forgive you?
FOR:
-He changed his name
-The apology appears to be sincere
-I’m allergic to cheese
-Coincidence?
-I think not!
AGAINST
-He was a spammer
-Once a spammer, always a spammer(excluding certain people)
-Chris got angry with him, and we must please Him
thats all I can think of.
128 Cpt. Falcon // Jan 12, 2009 at 6:49 pm
I’m starting to think ALL comments should be banned. Everyone’s making a gi-fucking-gantic deal about this. It’s just a ban from commenting. There’s nothing stopping you from just reading Chris’s blog. (Correct me if I’m wrong, it is just a comment ban right?)
Everyone talking about this kind of stuff is off-topic. This section of my post is off-topic. So how about we all just discuss the topic, tf2, or videogames in general.
@Nonomu #116:
I think that’s a client-side issue. I tend to avoid un-moderated Pubbies. It’s always good to have a ban-ready admin-handy, as we can all see from the blog.
Also, the Pyro being Asian sounds plausible.
Or maybe he just turns out to be a cackling fire demon.
129 Addicted // Jan 12, 2009 at 6:59 pm
I don’t think he should quit the comment section. I like reading the comments, I check them about three times a day to see what’s new (also ’cause I have no life and too much free time).
130 Putzy // Jan 12, 2009 at 7:44 pm
sometimes we get bored of talking about games and tf2. its fun to have these kind of things happen.
131 Awcko // Jan 12, 2009 at 8:01 pm
Anyone notice how TF2 looks a little… different?
132 Putzy // Jan 12, 2009 at 9:33 pm
different how?
133 Super Fred // Jan 12, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Different as in more TF2 themed stuff.
134 Itrade // Jan 12, 2009 at 10:20 pm
I think I stole Chris’ poker luck. I went all in twice in my last game and won. My winning hand was an ace and a jack. One of the guys had an ace and a queen and the other guy had a ten and a jack. Two jacks came so everyone thought that they won, but when we all opened our cards it turns out I won by having the high card. I then spent all the money I won on some cold fries and a melted sundae. McDonald’s takeaway sucks.
Anyway, sorry Chris. You can have my blackjack luck, I don’t play that game much anyway.
135 Cpt. Falcon // Jan 12, 2009 at 11:55 pm
@Awcko #131:
For me, TF2 has been getting different steadily over a long period of time. I’ve been using FPSBanana for TF2 customization for a long while now, and whenever I visit (rarely) pubs with sv_pure 0, I notice just how different my version is.
Occasionally I go back through my TF2 directory and reset most of my custom models. Although it is fun for the Demo’s sticky launcher to fire out Bob-ombs and the Scout’s melee weapon a Light Saber, but I try to keep TF2 together as a game.
I also try to remember how much effort Valve put into skins to affect your sub conscience level, like player skins making you recognize first their team color, then their class, and finally their current weapon.
136 Awcko // Jan 13, 2009 at 4:14 am
I meant different as in the server browser
137 Tyk-Tok // Jan 13, 2009 at 5:36 am
Whatever you say about the comments on this site, let it be said that the guys who post over on LiO are worse…
138 Nonomu198 // Jan 13, 2009 at 7:46 am
Madness? THIS, IS, LiO’s COMMENTS!!!!!!!
I use a whole lot’s of special skins, some of them are these stupid recolurs, just because they look better on my Quake like settings (I get 60~ fps instead of ~15, it’s worth it. You get used to it too. I can gine you guys the scripts to put in the Autoexec and the launch properties of the game if you want to). I’ve yet to find a good grenade launcher, they allways look like a chess board on my settings. I’ve noticed that wood textures look like a piece of sir assface, while metal looks great, but a little like concrete, like the Soldier’s shovel (I don’t think it’s even a custom skin, I didn’t change it because it looks so good), which he apperantly uses to build houses.
Plus, I think I play Scout better with the Jackhammer. It just feels right, you know?
139 Killa-Ewok // Jan 13, 2009 at 9:11 am
@Chris
You keep your bloody promise, then.
140 ReflexiveAxiom // Jan 13, 2009 at 9:43 am
Great. Just great. Now Chris is REALLY going to die. Unless he quicksaved.
141 Nonomu198 // Jan 13, 2009 at 9:57 am
The half life and death of Chris Livingstone. He played for the LiO update but never had the time to actually write it. Rest in Peace? I think not. You keep updating in HELL! It’s your ultimate punishment.
142 Killa-Ewok // Jan 13, 2009 at 10:03 am
Well, in case anything bad happens (it probably will not. Really! Stop looking at me like that) I’ll, uhh, take over his blogs. Yeah. Fuck you and your Chris.
Wait he’s not dead yet?
143 Blue-Chameleon // Jan 13, 2009 at 12:03 pm
If you die, we’re raiding your hard drive for a LiO update!
144 Kowl Slaw // Jan 13, 2009 at 12:45 pm
And anything else we find. (Rough draft 1fort comic?)
145 Slowpoke // Jan 13, 2009 at 12:51 pm
@kowl slaw
and your 0bscure gmod pron
146 Addicted // Jan 13, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Is an irregular heartbeat that serious? I know that it can lead to a heart attack, and Chris will probably have to lower the exercize and stuff, but will it actually kill him?
I hope not. ‘Cause the internet without Chris Livingston would suck.
147 Nonomu198 // Jan 13, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Spy sappin’ meh heartbeat
148 Nonomu198 // Jan 13, 2009 at 1:11 pm
I don’t think it’s so serious. My friend have had heart problems his entire life, I think. He does exercise too, just not, you know, much. More than I do, anyway (and most of you. You know who you are.) ;p.
149 Addicted // Jan 13, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Talking bout exercise reminded me of this notmydesk essay- click my name for it.
150 dylanC // Jan 13, 2009 at 2:30 pm
wtf…irregular heartbeat. thats what howie mandal checked into the hospital for.
151 Mike // Jan 13, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Haha, I fucking love that article.
Helping me along is the sound from my walkman, in the form of a heavy-techno-dance-industrial-metal-gangsta-rap clamor, that sounds like a cargo plane full of cutlery crashing into a sheet-metal factory. The lyrics are surprisingly poignant and inspiring: “You better run, run, ya muthaf**ka, ‘fore I f**k your a** up, ya c**ks**ker, run…”
152 Kowl Slaw // Jan 13, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Slowpoke:
o.o
153 DethPenguin // Jan 13, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Be sure to tell your doctor that you’ve died several times before.
154 Slowpoke // Jan 13, 2009 at 5:21 pm
@kowl slaw
I meant to type obscure japanese porn
155 Addicted // Jan 13, 2009 at 6:24 pm
Hallelujah! Chris has survived! The internet can rejoice again!
156 Snooglebum // Jan 13, 2009 at 7:02 pm
@Mike
Sounds uplifting.
157 Slowpoke // Jan 13, 2009 at 9:49 pm
w00t i just installed windows 98!
158 Kollega // Jan 13, 2009 at 10:34 pm
Chris,please,quit smoking,because:
A) Smoking kills.
B) To quote Addicted,”the internet without Chris Livingston would suck.”
159 DethPenguin // Jan 13, 2009 at 10:59 pm
Also, the Pyro is a Columbian. As described in that one Flash. No doubt about it.
160 Gothic // Jan 14, 2009 at 2:16 am
BS. Pyro is Asian. They only have one token minority there (Black Scottish Cyclops). IMO it needs one more.
161 Addicted // Jan 14, 2009 at 5:01 am
Whooo! I just got quoted!
But didn’t he say he quit smoking in Concerned? Remember, it was one of the notes?
162 Putzy // Jan 14, 2009 at 5:48 am
its was probably one of those “longest twenty minutes of my life” quits.
163 Fenix Dread // Jan 14, 2009 at 5:53 am
Hehehe. I did all those things in Oblivion.
164 Killa-Ewok // Jan 14, 2009 at 8:07 am
Curses! The plight that is Livingston has returned to the internets, burning out my hopes for becoming the next FrohGod.
165 a westie // Jan 14, 2009 at 8:13 am
If this were an RPG, Chris would only need to drink a bottle of “Remedy.”
It also cures the common cold, HIV, and the plague. Or he could wait it out and just keep eating hams until the status effect leaves.
166 Killa-Ewok // Jan 14, 2009 at 8:20 am
Wait, Chris is Batman now?
I guess I’m Joker then.
167 andy // Jan 14, 2009 at 9:07 am
why hasent chris responed to my plea yet? maybe he IS dead!
168 C. Spiracy // Jan 14, 2009 at 9:16 am
Chris died. They’re covering it up.
169 Am i first? // Jan 14, 2009 at 9:20 am
Pyro isn’t anything, that’s what he is, and that’s what makes him awesome. How the hell did you get the idea he’s asian?
170 andy // Jan 14, 2009 at 11:03 am
the pyro is mexican
171 Jimborb // Jan 14, 2009 at 12:02 pm
Andy, you ever heard the word patience? Chris has been to Doctors/Hospital/Morgue, hardly been easy for me to read through almost 200 comments from people* i hardly care about, let alone Chris with his Batman syndrome.
*please note that by people, i mean those who are senselessly spamming.
172 Slowpoke // Jan 14, 2009 at 1:53 pm
thats cool about the dark night logo
173 Addicted // Jan 14, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Ha! I searched Concerned for the notice Chris put up about him not smoking- here it is. I copied and pasted-
“I quit smoking this past Sunday, and so my chemical make-up is not as it’s been for the past 15 or so years, namely, filled with nicotine. I think I’m doing pretty well going cold turkey — not great, but pretty well. Stress, depression, determination, anxiety, elation, sleepiness… they all flicker in and out at odd times and without warning or reason. It’d be interesting if it weren’t so damn annoying and uncomfortable (I was a bit over a pack-a-day smoker).
Anyway. When you quit, you’re supposed to tell people around you that you’ve quit. I guess it makes it harder to cave in and start smoking again if other people know you’re trying to quit. So, I thought I’d tell about 15,000 of you.
No comic on Monday — it’s an American holiday (weekend). Seeya Wednesday. I’m off to go pretend gum is somehow satisfying!”
See? What do you have to say for yourself, Chris?
174 Crazy Dan // Jan 14, 2009 at 3:56 pm
“Doctor, I have an irregular heartbeat.”
“Thought you had the look about you.”
The doctor would then heal you injecting you with god knows what.
175 McFool // Jan 14, 2009 at 4:13 pm
Please, come on guys.
Stop spamming.
180 comments would hardly be a problem if they were posted by at least 150 unique people. The comments section is for comments. On the post. That’s why they call ‘em comments.
Its not the “discussion” section.
176 Putzy // Jan 14, 2009 at 6:12 pm
there is no actual discussion section! I post here because I can keep an eye for new updates as well as chat with with all this lot.
if chris gets pissed at the amount of comments he would tell us and we(I mean me, I can’t talk for anyone else) would stop posting till the next post.
177 Generic Username // Jan 14, 2009 at 6:23 pm
OMG TF2 UPDATE
I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR QUICK SERVER BROWSING VIEW SOOOOOO LOOOOOOOONG
178 Cupajoe // Jan 14, 2009 at 7:28 pm
Yeah, its all that stupid new game he’s been playing. “Regular Excersise” has so many bugs in it.
179 a westie // Jan 14, 2009 at 7:44 pm
Chris, there’s no easy way to say this. I think the spamming may be a symptom of a bigger problem on your site. You have rabid fans, interested in many topics, yet no forum on your website.
Seriously, I’m not insisting Chris get a forum, but if something could be set up without too much more expense or bandwidth, that’d be great.
Re: the update, I’m not that happy with the quick view of servers for searching. For favorites, it’s nice that the prominent info is right there and big (Map, number of players…), but when just looking for a random pub server, I need to be able to set up at least a few filters and sort options. I couldn’t even sort by latency, which is a big problem. Am I doing something wrong, or is it really that simple? I know how to switch it back, but I like the new UI otherwise.
180 Awcko // Jan 14, 2009 at 8:23 pm
L4D BUGFIX IS OUT SMOKERS DONT SUCK TANKS DONT SUCK AGAINST AUTO-SHOTTIES GOGOGO
181 Gothic // Jan 14, 2009 at 9:50 pm
@183:
FUCK YEEEAAAHHHAHAHAH
182 Slowpoke // Jan 14, 2009 at 10:58 pm
183 Winston // Jan 15, 2009 at 12:15 am
I’ve really got nothing to say.
184 Nonomu198 // Jan 15, 2009 at 12:44 am
I love autoshotting Tanks. I don’t even play Versus, it sucks balls (seriously playing infected is soooooooo boring).
About the new GUI, there is a small checkbox in the left bottom called “quick serverlist” or something. Uncheck it and refresh the list.
Do you guys know a command or something to stop it from showing up ob default? Or to change the colors back? I hate the new GUI :(.
185 Dr. Zeuss // Jan 15, 2009 at 6:02 am
A whole week now since the last update of the blog. Where is Chris? I’m going to ubercharged…
186 MacBeth // Jan 15, 2009 at 7:48 am
“seriously playing infected is soooooooo boring”
In the immortal words of some guy on the internet, you’re doing it wrong.
187 Actsub // Jan 18, 2009 at 5:15 pm
Each time I’ve played through I got the ‘HIV/Hepatitis Ending’.
I can’t help it - Heroine offers a really good instant regeneration of mana and I can’t find where to get clean needles with Google.
Does this have a FAQ or anything?
188 vatslav // Jan 24, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Q9NsXi hi! nice site!
189 argento // Feb 8, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Too bad in this game there are no respawns.
190 Osama // Feb 9, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Great read! I enjoyed it very much :D Seems too close to my real life though :(
191 Spade // Feb 10, 2009 at 6:53 am
“…Perhaps for months…”
Oh my god.
192 TheJosh // Feb 10, 2009 at 7:26 pm
I was chortling all the way through…great post!
193 Kevin // Feb 10, 2009 at 9:18 pm
Don’t forget getting chased around by armed civilians for opening up their refrigerator in front of one of them.
194 Adam // Feb 11, 2009 at 9:30 pm
If my life were an RPG I’d wake up at my inn, my clothes totally repaired from the previous days activites. I’d then hop on my deathsteed and probably grind for some essence of air, then me and all my friends would get together at about 7 and kill some mobs in naxx all night. Wrap up at about 3 am and repeat the same thing tomorrow.
195 poooooep // Feb 19, 2009 at 11:30 pm
lolz. oblivion.