Jesse Henning of GameCyte just sent me some mail about a fun feature they’re running: a Heavy Achievement Speculation Contest.
They’ve put their heads together and come up with a guess for each of the Heavy’s 35 shadowy, unknown achievements. All you have to do is read their guesses and make your own guess as to how many they’ve gotten right. A sample:
Achievement: Party Loyalty
Suspiciously Revealing Filename: tf_heavy_defend_medic
Rampant Speculation: Get behind me, doctor! Now, it’s one thing to get kills while assisted by/assisting a medic, but here’s the thing — there are some achievements here which have “assist” in their names, while this one explicitly says “defend.” Our guess? This achievement will be granted for stepping into the line of fire for 10 medics who are taking damage from the enemy. DE-FENSE! *clap clap clap*
Whenever Valve releases the full details — which is also when this contest ends, so don’t waste any time entering — they’ll see how many they got right and which guesser of their guesses wins.
There’s even a prize: a free copy of TF2. Granted, if you’re into TF2 enough to guess about the achievements, it’s probably because you already own a copy of TF2, but through the magic of Steam, you’ll be able to gift your winnable copy to anyone you like. It’s a great way to get a buddy into the game with you!
Head on over to GameCyte, take a look at their guesswork, and enter the contest.
41 responses so far ↓
1 jordan // Aug 13, 2008 at 8:38 pm
wow….. blog rampage!
2 Tim // Aug 13, 2008 at 8:57 pm
I doubt his Heavy Industry speculation. By my math, that means you fire the gun for 30 seconds, which isn’t too hard if you walk from ammo box to fallen enemy to fallen enemy, or (much easier yet) if you stand next to a dispenser. If it has a rule against the dispenser for that achievement, then it is as hard as an achievement should be.
Granted, this is all based on what the heavy said in the video, I don’t know if it’s the same firing rate in-game… Plus, the video was made so long ago, I’m not sure it’s canon. Then again, did TF2 have a story in the first place?
3 Nyarlathotep // Aug 13, 2008 at 8:58 pm
I pulled a random number out of my ass and posted it. I hope I win!
4 Tim // Aug 13, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Hey, I got it wrong. Just looked up the real rate of fire on TF2 Wiki, which has it down at at around 6 rounds per second, or 360 rounds per minute. So, that’d be about a minute and a half (Plus somewhere between one and two more seconds) to reach 500 bullets used, and hence 1,000,000 dollars used. If his estimate is right, that’s downright hard.
I wonder how much those bullets cost in rubles…
5 trapped // Aug 13, 2008 at 9:30 pm
Interesting, I guessed 23. Pretty cool contest, I’m not worried about winning but I’m curious to see how close they were, they had some pretty logical assumptions.
6 trapped // Aug 13, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Wait, what’s YOUR guess, Chris?
7 AlphaHawk // Aug 13, 2008 at 11:09 pm
I started this back in the “Gloves are off” Blog you posted a few hours ago :/
8 Eathanu // Aug 13, 2008 at 11:10 pm
Hay Chris, win a copy of TF2 for me! I did a monkey chow thing! :D
Also, come on, three updates in one day? I’m lucky if I manage three updates in one week (disclaimer: I usually get four or five out easily because I have no real life)
9 LaZodiac // Aug 14, 2008 at 12:23 am
If all else, I desire the Rapsutin achievment to be correct. Mostly because I want someone to record themselves doing it, and putting the Ra Ra Rapsputin song in it.
Also, Borshect Belt sould be correct two, and I’m not ashamed to say along long time ago I had an idea somewhat like that, but less tema friendly.
10 LaZodiac // Aug 14, 2008 at 12:24 am
My god I shouldn’t type in 1 in the morning. Spelt Rasputin wrong the second time.
Also, randomly mentioning that KGB is an awesome pun.
11 okidoki // Aug 14, 2008 at 1:56 am
I highly doubt the stickybomb achievement speculation is correct. A weapon that destroys stickies seems too silly. I imagine it involves killing a demo who has stickies on the ground near you or who has just damaged you with them. “Own the means of production” makes more sense this way. “Own” the demo who is “producing” the stickies.
12 Turyx // Aug 14, 2008 at 2:27 am
I think they’re speculation was pretty good until it began to mention constantly a new mode involving people stealing food.
13 AlphaHawk // Aug 14, 2008 at 2:37 am
@oki:
You do realize that in the game’s files, along with the guns that didn’t (Or haven’t) made it in game yet, there are broken stickies, in pieces like broken glass. I’m confident they’re finally gonna be used, and that this update is the one to introduce them.
14 Gothic // Aug 14, 2008 at 3:55 am
I reckon it’s not so much a new weapon as much as it is an update to the minigun allowing it to destroy stickies.
15 Slade // Aug 14, 2008 at 4:03 am
Gosh, I hope they do the same thing for the upcoming characters (especially Demo , Engie and Spy :D).
16 Turyx // Aug 14, 2008 at 4:22 am
It would be great if he could destroy stickies. I get tired of Demo spamming in maps like Goldrush where they just put 200 stickies everywhere around the cart and you can only push them so you can survive 10 more seconds.
17 Mr. Munchlax // Aug 14, 2008 at 4:59 am
I heard that the demo was getting a nerf. Maybe the broken stickies are it. Maybe this and a few other sticky nerfs that will hopefully happen will make demos rethink what weapon they use in combat.
18 J3553 // Aug 14, 2008 at 6:37 am
I’m building my gaming computer right now, I’m going to buy the Valve Complete Pack. And Gmod.
So I don’t want to win any individual game.
19 Companion Cube // Aug 14, 2008 at 7:49 am
I personally think that Heavy’s Shotgun will be an explosives destroyer. Like, a Soldier shoots a rocket at a Medic, and a Heavy kills the explosive. That would be cool.
20 Dexemplu // Aug 14, 2008 at 7:51 am
My idea about the Permanent Revolution achievment:
Kill someone using only the altfire on the minigun.
The spin of the barrel will probably be given melee damage. It would make sense and it would be awesomly cool.
21 Companion Cube // Aug 14, 2008 at 7:51 am
Note on my last comment: Heavy gets to destroy stickies too.
22 Sam, the orignal // Aug 14, 2008 at 8:13 am
Wow, He’s going to have boxing gloves that hand out 5 second of crits!
At the expense of speed.
“The Killing gloves of boxing”
http://steamgames.com/tf2/heavy/kgb.htm
Awesome :D
23 AlphaHawk // Aug 14, 2008 at 8:45 am
*Ahem* THERE ARE BROKEN STICKY MODELS ALREADY.
Broken sticky models, piled on by broken a broken sticky model on the achievement pic= it’s going to be the new addition. I type in caps because everyone can see them, and loves them ( :P )
24 AlphaHawk // Aug 14, 2008 at 8:46 am
I also type in not being able to edit out my mistake :/
25 ClearlynotaRobot // Aug 14, 2008 at 9:24 am
I bet on it all. I’m a rebel.
Or just a little stupid when it comes to gambling.
26 Tim // Aug 14, 2008 at 10:27 am
I was going to say you can look at the French translation if you know some basic french and see if the French names of the achievements give any more hints. Then, Valve mysteriously removed the link from the bottom of the page… I wonder if my browser kept a cached copy, or maybe the page is still not up, but improperly linked.
It’d be cool if Valve did this, and release a whole bunch of info on say, the scout, and then revealed at the last second that they were kidding and it was actually the spy update.
27 Mr. Brit // Aug 14, 2008 at 10:31 am
Does anyone know if there is a place to download all of the medic achievement icons? He doesn’t have a page devoted to him like the Pyro and Heavy have…
28 Tim // Aug 14, 2008 at 10:31 am
Mon nom est cette lien.
29 Tim // Aug 14, 2008 at 10:33 am
@Mr. Brit: Yeah, he does. Goldrush’s page. The link is in my name. Look at the bottom of the page. They’re all fairly high res PNGs, like the pyro and the heavy.
30 Mr. Brit // Aug 14, 2008 at 10:35 am
Yeah, I’m an idiot, thanks.
31 Mr. Brit // Aug 14, 2008 at 10:36 am
Je suis le lourd gars d’armes et c’est mon arme!
32 Tim // Aug 14, 2008 at 10:37 am
Sorry to post so many times, but does GBM mean anything to the French, or is it a soviet department I don’t know about? Google gave me nothing that made sense. :-/
Gantes des boxe de la morte has an obvious meaning (Boxing gloves of death), but it’s kinda sad to have something without a deeper pun like it is in English, and go as far as abbreviate it as though it mean something.
33 Mr. Brit // Aug 14, 2008 at 10:37 am
Tireur embusqué un bon copain d’emploi.
34 Mr. Brit // Aug 14, 2008 at 10:38 am
La réponse; utilisez un fusil
35 Mr. Brit // Aug 14, 2008 at 10:38 am
Écoutez en haut vous les vers!
36 Mr. Brit // Aug 14, 2008 at 10:39 am
sorry about that, guess the meet the… video they are from
37 DoctorDisaster // Aug 14, 2008 at 10:43 am
KGB is not an acronym in English; it stands for a bunch of Russian. Thus I think it’s safe to say the pun doesn’t translate.
38 The Prick of Destiny // Aug 14, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Badwater basin info is up! Go go go Chris! :D
39 jordan // Aug 14, 2008 at 9:35 pm
KGB is like, a secret organization in Russia, right?
40 Eathanu // Aug 15, 2008 at 5:01 am
Komityet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosty
Committee for State Security.
Russian Secret Police, basically.
41 Salmon // Aug 16, 2008 at 5:30 am
The actual achievments are up! :D
Cry some moar, incorrect guessers.
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